Saya...

nak tulih cerita sket pasal pasaraya dan vertigo dan pantiliner.

Dan connection between the three.

Nantilah.

Lepas bukak posa.

When you find you

Love this song. heard it for the first time on the radio today
Take a listen here...


(ade ke such a man in real life..haha)

Come Back to Me by David Cook

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you
You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me, I will wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you...come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left 'em, I'll be here for you.

Oh, and I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you...come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here, waiting to see
You find you...come back to me

And I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't fix you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do.

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you...come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you...come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need.
I'll be right here, waiting to see.
You find you...come back to me

When you find you...come back to me
When you find you...come back to me
You find you...come back to me

When I was a little girl...

I wanted to be:

a stewardess (everybody wanted to be one then...why ah?)
a pilot (ditto)
cikgu
a lawyer (didn't know what that meant then)
a jurutera (ditto, just sounded impressive)
a car designer (ever since I could speak...hmmm...dunno how I came to know what this one was all about from age 5)
saya mahu jadi seorang doktor
saya mahu menjadi seorang doktor haiwan
work with the United Nations
a journalist
an international correspondent
a war correspondent (too much Newsweek, Time)
a writer...like Alistair McLean, Lawrence Sanders, Jeffrey Archer, James Clavell (his war books were okay..others mainly porno lah), James Michener, Danielle Steel was good at first, then became factory-mill standard...and who else,ah?...hmmm..momnesia strikes again....pre-1997 memories are a virtual blur.
a jet-setting hugely successful businesswoman
a Richard Branson
a Donald Trump
a Steven Jobs
a billionairelah!

Nowadays...
I still wannabe a Richard Branson
or a heart surgeon
or a brain surgeon
or a Jamie Oliver (hey, I cooked like him long before he ever learnt how to use the potty)
an Anthony Bourdain
a Nigella
a Bob Blumer...
their jobs look like fun!
one of those Lonely Planets hosts...apanama...oh! Robin Wright? (he sent a video of himself on the loo and got to be famous giler...hmmm...)
an environmental/peace/social activist
a Dr. Jamilah of Mercy Malaysia wannabe...
a stay-at-home mum
a work-from-home mum
a fulltime careerwoman part-time mum?...nah...not me...
a jetsetting glamorous socialite once-in-a-while mum? Nah...will bring the kids along on the jet...


sheesh.

I wannabe everything! Even at 40...(ok I cheated a little... at 41!!! )

Decisions

One who seeks guidance from his Creator (istikharah) and consults his fellow believers and then remains firm in his resolve does not regret. For Allah has said :

"...and consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken your decision, put your trust in Allah..."

Istikharah
According to Quran and Sunnah

from

WWW.MUTTAQUN.COM

Hadith - al-Tirmidhi # 2151. [Classed as saheeh by al-Haakim, 1/699, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. It was classed as hasan by al-Haafiz ibn Hajar in Fath al-Baari, 11/184]

The happiness of the son of Adam depends on his being content with what Allah has decreed for him, and the misery of the son of Adam results from his failure to pray istikharah, and the misery of the son of Adam results from in his discontent with what Allah has decreed for him.

---

To make the prayer of Istikharah (say: iss-teh-KHAR-uh), one should pray two non-fard (non-obligatory) rakat (units) of prayer, even if they are of the regular sunnah prayers or a prayer for entering the mosque, and so on, during any time of the day or night.

One should recite in them whatever one wishes of the Qur'an, after reciting al-Fatihah. Then one should praise Allah and invoke blessings upon the Prophet, peace be upon him.

After this one should supplicate to Allah. Jabir Ibn 'Abdullah has reported the following supplication from the Prophet, peace be upon him, when he related, "The Prophet, peace be upon him, taught us how to make Istikharah in all (our) affairs, just as he taught us various surahs of the Qur'an. He told us, 'If anyone of you considers doing something he should offer a two-rak'at prayer other than the obligatory prayers, and then say (after the prayer),

"Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi'ilmika. wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, wa as'aluka min fadlika al-azimfa-innaka taqdiru wala aqdiru, wa ta'lamu wala a ' lamu, wa anta 'allamu-l-ghuyub.

Allahumma, in kunta ta' lamu anna hadhaI-amra khairun lifi dini wa ma'ashi wa aqibati amri (or 'ajili amri wa'ajilihi) f aqdirhu li wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li fihi, wa in kunta ta'llamu anna hadha-l-amra sharrun lifi dini wa ma'ashi wa-aqibati amri (orfi'ajili amri wa ajilihi) fasrifhu anni was-rifni'anhu.

Wa aqdir li al-khaira haithu kana thumma ardini bihi"

(O Allah ! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, and Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this thing is good for my din and my subsistence and for my Hereafter - (or say, If it is better for my present and later needs) - then ordain it for me and make it easy for me to obtain, and then bless me in it. If You know that this thing is harmful to me in my din and subsistence and in the Hereafter--(or say, If it is worse for my present and later needs)--then keep it away from me, and keep me away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it)."'

The Prophet, may peace be upon him, added that then the person should mention his need."

There is nothing authentic concerning anything specific that is to be recited in the prayer nor is there any authentic report concerning how many times one should repeat it.

An-Nawawi holds that "after making istikharah, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, for otherwise he is not leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah's choice, means that one should completely abandon what one desired oneself."

Edgar Allan Poe

Dreamland (1844)

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have reached these lands but newly
From an ultimate dim Thule--
From a wild weird clime that lieth, sublime,
Out of SPACE--out of TIME.

Bottomless vales and boundless floods,
And chasms, and caves, and Titan woods,
With forms that no man can discover
For the dews that drip all over;
Mountains toppling evermore
Into seas without a shore;
Seas that restlessly aspire,
Surging, unto skies of fire;
Lakes that endlessly outspread
Their lone waters--lone and dead,
Their still waters--still and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily.

By the lakes that thus outspread
Their lone waters, lone and dead,--
Their sad waters, sad and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily,--

By the mountains--near the river
Murmuring lowly, murmuring ever,--
By the gray woods,--by the swamp
Where the toad and the newt encamp,--
By the dismal tarns and pools
Where dwell the Ghouls,--
By each spot the most unholy--
In each nook most melancholy,--

There the traveller meets aghast
Sheeted Memories of the past--
Shrouded forms that start and sigh
As they pass the wanderer by--
White-robed forms of friends long given,
In agony, to the Earth--and Heaven.

For the heart whose woes are legion
'Tis a peaceful, soothing region--
For the spirit that walks in shadow
'Tis--oh, 'tis an Eldorado!
But the traveller, travelling through it,
May not--dare not openly view it;
Never its mysteries are exposed
To the weak human eye unclosed;
So wills its King, who hath forbid
The uplifting of the fringed lid;
And thus the sad Soul that here passes
Beholds it but through darkened glasses.

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only.

Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have wandered home but newly
From this ultimate dim Thule.

Moderate, Fundamentalist or Liberal(ly stupid)

I came upon this comment in Tun's blog on his Kartika/Merdeka post. I like it. Sums up exactly how I feel about all the fears about perception and labelling.

By prof_ridcully on August 25, 2009 11:55 PM

Friends,

Many say that we should be a moderate Muslim country as in the quotation below:

//Najib should interfere and commute the sentence to a simple fine and assuring the world that we are still a moderate Muslim country//

I don't think it's as simple as that. Islamic matters are the prerogative of the Sultan.

At any rate why be unduly concerned about our being known as a moderate Muslim country, a liberal one, or even a fundamentalist Muslim country for that matter? What do these labels mean from the point of view of Islam? As a Muslim, what value do these labels, moderate, liberal or fundamentalist, place on me? I say none.

The reason I say 'none' is that I'm a Muslim. Full stop. I may be a pious or a not-so-pious Muslim but these states do not equate to my being a moderate, liberal or fundamentalist Muslim. In fact, if people insist of using these labels, I'd say the best Muslim is a fundamentalist Muslim.

Tun himself once said that he's a fundamentalist. Now, before you go shouting 'Taliban' or 'As-Shabab' please remember that 'fundamental' means a leading or primary principle, rule, law, or article, which serves as the groundwork of a system -- in our case, Islam.

Moderate, liberal and fundamentalist are labels stuck on Islam and Muslims. In the history of Islam there were never 'moderate' or 'fundamentalist' Muslims until very recently. No history book has described the early Muslim community in Madinah or the various caliphates under the four Rightly Guided Caliphs, when Islamic fervour was at its greatest, as fundamentalist. There were good and bad Muslims, pious and impious, even secular and religious ones, yes, but no moderate or fundamentalist ones. As a matter of fact, 'Fundamentalism' was used to describe a Christian movement in the early 20th century, and 'Puritanism' even earlier. [I include Puritanism because now certain Muslim communities have been described as practicing 'puritan' Islam, whatever that means].

These are powerful words giving the connotation that being 'liberal' is good and being 'fundamentalist' bad. The danger is, when we buy into this labelling, when we accept it, we're obliged to fit into the mould of a moderate, liberal or fundamental Muslim, a mould which Muslims didn't make. We're allowing others to dictate to us what a Muslim should be. Shouldn't it be the other way round? Shouldn't we decide what we should be? And if we do decide what we should be, must we fit into boxes labelled 'moderate', liberal' or 'fundamental' -- boxes made by others?

When we accept these terms as being descriptive of Muslims, we in effect look at ourselves and Muslims everywhere through the lens of others. And therein lies the problem.

It's fine if a Muslim who says the Friday prayers regularly, for example, is called a 'moderate.' But what if he is labelled (pejoratively) as a 'fundamentalist,' [which is what he is, actually] and one who doesn't pray is called 'liberal' or 'moderate'? Does he give up his prayers in order to be accepted as a 'moderate'? What if others decide to call a Muslim lady, who is otherwise moderate in her manners, but who wears a scarf, a fundamentalist? Does she then remove her scarf in order to fit into others' perception of what a moderate Muslim should be? Does a Muslim who drinks alcohol and then decides to turn teetotaller without changing anything else in his life go up the scale from liberal to fundamentalist?

So I say let's practice Islam the best we can and judge ourselves using the yardstick used by Islam all this while -- the degree of piety, because Allah SWT certainly will. And ignore the labels attached to the religion by others. These labels change like the wind.

In between...

vacuuming rooms...

I just had to say...hasn't it been such a glorious couple of days? Deep blue skies with huge billowing white, heavy (looking) white clouds, highlighted with varying shades of greys...seemingly trying hard to bring the rains but gently and insistently pushed away by the strong, soothing breeze. What dazzling contrasts, what a dazzling spectacle to behold.

Reminds me of Penang in Decembers through Februarys. Back at my childhood home.

The nights....these nights are made for long evening walks with a beloved and gazing with such sweet longing at the heavens for The Beloved, transfixed by the flickering diamonds in the velvety night skies.

Searching for a way. An answer. A sign. Undisputable truth.

And rest. For the restless.

AT-TARIQ (THAT WHICH COMES IN THE NIGHT)

THE EIGHTY-SIXTH SURAH
Total Verses: 17
MECCA PERIOD

Muhammad Asad

Introduction

REVEALED at a comparatively early date (probably in the fourth year of the Prophet's mission), the surah takes its name from the noun at-tariq in its first verse.

IN THE NAME OF GOD, THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE DISPENSER OF GRACE:

(1) CONSIDER the heavens and that which comes in the night!*

* Some commentators assume that what is described here as at-tariq ("that which comes in the night") is the morning-star, because it appears towards the end of the night; others - like Zamakhshari or Raghib - understand by it "the star" in its generic sense. Now if we analyze the origin of this noun, we find that it is derived from the verb taraqa, which primarily means "he beat [something]" or "knocked [at something]"; hence, taraqa 'l-bab, "he knocked at the door". Tropically, the noun signifies "anything [or "anyone"] that comes in the night", because a person who comes to a house by night is expected to knock at the door (Taj al-Arus). In the Qur'anic mode of expression, at-tariq is evidently a metaphor for the heavenly solace which sometimes comes to a human being lost in the deepest darkness of affliction and distress; or for the sudden, intuitive enlightenment which disperses the darkness of uncertainty; or, finally, for divine revelation, which knocks, as it were, at the doors of man's heart.. and thus fulfils the functions of both solace and enlightenment. (For my rendering of the adjurative wa as "Consider", see surah 74, first half of note 23.)

(2) And what could make thee conceive what it is that comes in the night?

(3) It is the star that pierces through [life's] darkness:

(4) [for] no human being has ever been left unguarded.*

* Lit., "there is no human being without a guardian [or "without a watch being kept] over it". See in this connection note 7 on 82:10-12.

(5) LET MAN, then, observe out of what he has been created:

(6) he has been created out of a seminal fluid

(7) issuing from between the loins [of man] and the pelvic arch [of woman].*

* The plural noun tara'ib, rendered by me as "pelvic arch", has also the meaning of "ribs" or "arch of bones"; according to most of the authorities who have specialized in the etymology of rare Quranic expressions this term relates specifically to female anatomy (Taj al-'Arus).

(8) Now, verily, He [who thus creates man in the first instance] is well able to bring him back [to life]

(9) on the Day when all I secrets will be laid bare,

(10) and [man] will have neither strength nor helper!

(11) Consider* the heavens, ever-revolving,

* Sc., "And, finally, in order to grasp more fully God's power of creation and re-creation, consider. . .", etc.

(12) and the earth, bursting forth with plants!

(13) BEHOLD, this [divine writ] is indeed a word that between truth and falsehood,*

* Lit., "a decisive word", or "word of distinction", i.e., between the true and the false - in this case, belief in a continuation of life after "death ", on the one hand, and a denial of its possibility, on the other. (Cf. 37:21, 44:40, 86:13 and 38, and 78:17, where Resurrection Day is spoken of as "the Day of Distinction"; see also note 6 on 86:13.)

(14) and is no idle tale.

(15) Behold, they [who refuse to accept it] devise many a false argument* [to disprove its truth];

* Lit., "devise [many] an artful scheme (kayd)"; see note 41 on 34:33, where "the almost synonymous term makr is used in the same sense.

(16) but I shall bring all their scheming to nought.*

* Lit., "I shall devise a [yet more subtle] scheme", sc., "to bring theirs to nought". The paraphrase adopted by me gives, according to all the authorities, the meaning of the above sentence.

(17) Let, then, the deniers of the truth have their will: let them have their will for a little while!

(Cross references in text from here: The Message of the Quran)