'Feral' child barks and hisses after being raised as a pet

A "feral" five-year-old girl who hisses and barks after being forced by her family to live as one of their many pets has been rescued from a home in far eastern Russia.

By Adrian Blomfield in Moscow
Last Updated: 12:51AM BST 29 May 2009

Natasha Mikhailova Photo: AFP

According to police, the child, who has only been identified as "Natasha", was so neglected that she had barely developed a human vocabulary, communicating instead through animal noises.

Although she lived with her father, grandparents and other relatives, Natasha was essentially treated like one of a large number of dogs and cats that shared a small flat in the isolated city of Chita.

Like the other pets, she lapped at her food from a bowl on the floor and had never learned how to use cutlery.

Welfare officers, who were led to the flat by concerned neighbours, have placed Natasha in an orphanage. Although malnourished and small for her age, she appeared to be relatively healthy considering her ordeal, a police spokesman was quoted as saying by the Interfax news agency.

He said the police were looking for the girl's parents, who are believed to be divorced.

Welfare organisations say that child abuse in Russia is worsening, particularly in the Far East where traditional problems such as alcoholism and unemployment are magnified.

Last week a woman was sentenced to three-years probation by a court in Chita after her baby died of alcohol poisoning. Yelena Sinitsyna admitted to drinking a pint of pure ethanol before breast feeding her four-month-old son.

The consumption of ethanol and alcoholic byproducts such as boot polish, collectively known as "samogon" in Russia, remains common in many parts of the country. Alcohol dependence is believed to be the main cause of low male life expectancy in Russia, which, at just 58, is among the lowest in the world outside Africa.

Activists say they are concerned that domestic abuse could become an even more serious problem as a growing number of Russians lose their jobs.

In the midst of Russia's worst economic crisis in a decade, unemployment has soared above 10 per cent, according to figures released this week which show that over 11 million people are now out of work.

Read "Dogs could have felt empathy for Natasha"

I want to go to these places...

Makkah...


Jerusalem...

The Mediterranean..


The Casbah...


The Tanssili'n Ajer National Park, Algiers...



Esfahan...

Granada...

Damascus...

Andalucia...


Morrocco...
But cuti ni I can only take my kids on a road trip with me best friend Aween ( i hope we don't fight and push anyone out of the car on the way)...to Cherating...dok chalet..right on the beach...InsyaAllah.


Ok la tu...laid back-charm...

Ayah depa pi sini...Linz... (kerja...) Kita dapatlah pi dua kali...Linz ni bagi dia kira macam balik kampung la...macam balik Seri Menanti...lucky man!

A wife's worth

Man, I'm bone tired today.

I couldn't fight the wave of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder affecting the neighbourhood. I just had to clean my house from top to bottom today. All 3k square feet of it. And I still feel dirty. I feel like the bacterial stain of the community. Because I couldn't reach the roof tiles like the Benggali next door.

As I dragged myself out to drive Maryam to school at 11.30, I stopped to chat with the maid caring for my next door neighbor's 6 year old orphan who lost her Mommy to cancer a year ago.

"Seri, akak dah cuci rumah hari ni...angkat tilam, jemur bantal...akak tak tahan tengok Gurmit satu keluarga hari2 cuci atas sampai bawah, belakang, porch depan, kereta...dengan pokok2 sekali dia basuh (ok, that was an exaggeration)...nak pitam dah...baru akak rasa bersih."

Seri said, "Alah..dia orang empat orang, bolehla...akak satu orang, matilah...nak antar anak lagi, masak lagi, kerja lagi... mana nak buat hari2!"

Oh, thank you Seri! I needed some validation tak I wasn't just terkangkang kat rumah as some think housewives and workers-from-home are prone to do (of course we are more prone to curi tulang...katil kat sebelah komputer kan...btw, matilah aku malam ni tak tidur catch deadline...lost half the day cleaning house).

I used to have a cleaning lady...but decided I was a better cleaner. They piss me off. Adeker basuh bilik air dengan mop aku? Pemalas! Aku berus nak separuh mati, depa main jirus air ngan mop jer... Anak aku pun leh basuh main jirus jer macam tu...

Typical scenario. This latest one is named Rena.

"Rena buat ape tu...ok ker? Senyap jer lam bilik air?" She opens the door..."Eh mana berus lantai akak kasi...?" I ask.

"Err...kat bawah..."

"Habis Rena basuh bilik air dengan apa?"

Then I saw the mop. The same mop she used to mop my rooms...

"Aduh...kan akak kasi berus tu sayang oi?"

I had to feign affection when I really wanted to whack her with the brush...see, a friend of mine is living a miserable life purportedly dirasuk by an Indon jin sent by her maid's uncle or something, due to some altercation/misunderstanding and I wanted to avoid any jin sent to me by this Rena because I hurt her feelings by scolding her for using my bloody mop to wipe my bathroom instead of scrubbing it like I do. I have enough jins and satans working overtime in me and around me. I didn't want an Indon one too. My friend Nadzrin of SilatMelayu.com says there is jin he named Martin Hayes (whoever the hell Martin Hayes is) which followed him home from mine after his senaman tua with me and caused havoc on his side (hey, maybe it's a silat jin lah bro!). Anyway, I hope he doesn't come back. Stay with Nadzrin, Mister Martin.

Where was I?

Oh, ok...cleaners. They made me CLEAN UP AGAIN AFTER THEY LEFT! And I paid them for it too. So better I clean up my mess instead of theirs. DOUBLE WORK TAK?

And it feels so much better too...I admired my house after...I felt like a superhousewife. Thank God I don't have much furniture. Easier work... (I also left out two storerooms full of unpacked stuff and just closed the door...what you don't see won't hurt you...and the windows, and blinds, and dusty fans and lights and curtain and grills and a whole lot of other stuff…ah,..what the hell lah…just focus on the clean parts…good enough for me…Tommy Yew the Down Under Malaysia-mari commentator implied I was jaded...that I see the glass as half empty rather than half full...well he is WRONG, cause I see my house as half clean instead of not at all clean now...see? Not jaded at all, still optimistic!).

I was so tired after that feat…I didn’t cook. Just the rice and fixed a salad…and bought the ikan goreng cili Maryam wanted…unloaded it into my serving plate and pretended I made it.

He said, “Eh,mana pulak datang bawal ni, bukan I beli tenggiri ke semalam kat pasar?"

"Ok,ok…I tak masak hari ni, penat giler la clean house tau…malas nak panggil cleaner tu dah…menambahkan kerja lagi!”

“Oklah…nanti I pay you 50 ye...ganti bayar maid tu..."

WTF!!!!

“Er…are you equating my services with that of the Indonesian cleaner? 50 bucks?”

“Eh , itu above what I give you as allowance what…” he said.

“…what about my driver, cook, nurse, nanny, babysitting, washerwoman services? If you employ one from outside, they charge separately for expenses tau...ni I driver, pakai elaun I juga isi minyak...mana aci! Tak masuk lagi macam2 snacks and side trips budak2 to and from sekolah...I think they eat their pencils at school...hari2 kena beli tau.”

See, people think Islam oppresses women. Fact is, men are responsible for all expenses and whatever the woman earns can't be used by him/towards household expenses. That's HERS. Untouchable. Unless she wants to help out, and that is seen as charity towards her family.

And under the circumstances, I wasn't feeling very charitable. I mean polygamy equals orang kaya giler, kan? No? Yeah. Sadly, not usually the case...heheh.

So, he calculated...and realised, yeah...Allowances almost equalled expenses, meaning much nothing left to expend on MYSELF. Women have many needs y'know. And I've deprived myself out of consideration. I want a monthly massage, a monthly facial (dimanjakan like the other wives I hear about living like tai-tais), my wonderbra (at this age, we need those instead of the jual lambak at pasar malam ones, k? never bought one before, dunno how a wonderbra is supposed to look like...) my MAC powder (my one indulgence), my "close-one-eye-at-the-sight-of-the-kitchen" mamak breakfasts (I want someone to serve ME once in awhile ok? who cares if their nails are grimy...) etc, etc, etc....

I told him..."I don't ask for jewellery, fancy furniture, fancy clothes, fancy car etc etc (bodoh tak?)...My friends' husbands (I normally don't give a hoot what others have, but under the circumstances, I wanted to UNGKIT, cause I am still pissed with him) surprise them with gifts, Chopard necklaces lah, cuti Africa lah lah, ini lah itu lah...and what surprise have I gotten lately? A new wife...you surprised me with a new wife!"

And I laughed. Then he laughed. Cause it was true. Well, at least now we COULD laugh about it, instead of wanting to kill each other. So that's good, I suppose. (I still wish SHE would die though...maybe someone will light a ciggie while filling up at her petrol station...and KA BLAMMMM! while she's busy counting the dough in her office...she loves money...I think she bathes naked in the tub with money...)

"Kalau business ok nanti, I nak Merc SLR...tak peduli..." (tamak tak? well better late than never...if ever lah...just testing him...)

"Mak datuk!!!!" he said. "Mana nak dapat banyak tu!"

Sigh. Aren't husbands supposed to bribe the wives when they get another woman? Go figure.

Alamak...it's 12 midnight...I gotta catch that deadline or my client will will...will...will..kill.....

....ZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
zzzzzzzzzzzzz

WAARRRRRGHHHH!!!! MARTIN! MARTIN HAYES! I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH NADZRIN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE!!!


Oh...thank God!

Was just a bloody dream. Too much durian.

Sheesh....

Was-was During Prayer

By Sheikh Muhammad S Munajid

Praise be to Allaah.

Evil whispers during prayer and at other times come from the Shaytaan, who is keen to misguide the Muslim and deprive him of good and keep it far away from him. One of the Sahaabah complained to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about waswaas during prayer, and he said: “The Shaytaan comes between me and my prayers and my recitation, confusing me therein.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “That is a devil called Khanzab. If he affects you seek refuge in Allah from him and spit drily to your left three times.” He [the Sahaabi] said, I did that and Allaah took him away from me.

(Narrated by Muslim, 2203)

Proper focus (khushoo’) is the essence of prayer. Prayer without proper focus is like a body without a soul. The following are two of the things that help one to develop the proper focus:

1 – Striving to think about what you are saying and doing, pondering the meanings of the Qur’aan, dhikr and du’aa’s that you are reciting; bearing in mind that you are conversing with Allaah as if you can see Him. For when the worshipper stands to pray, he is speaking to his Lord, and ihsaan means worshipping Allaah as if you are seeing Him, and knowing that even though you cannot see Him, He sees you. Every time a person experiences the sweetness of prayer, he will be more inclined to do it. [?]. This depends of the strength of one's faith – and there are many means of strengthening one’s faith. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Of the things of your world, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and my joy is in prayer.” According to another hadeeth he said, “Let us relax, O Bilal, with prayer,” and he did not say, Give us a break from it.

2 – Striving to ward off the things that may distract you during prayer, namely thinking about things that are irrelevant or distracting. Waswaas affects each person differently, because waswaas has to do with a person’s level of doubts and desires and the degree to which a person is attached to other things or is fearing other things.

(From Majmoo’ Fataawa Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, 22/605)

With regard to what you say about the waswaas reaching such a great level that you have begun to experience waswaas that makes you think about Allaah in ways that are not appropriate, these are evil whispers from the Shaytaan. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if an evil whisper from Shaytaan (Satan) tries to turn you away (O Muhammad) (from doing good), then seek refuge in Allaah. Verily, He is the All‑Hearer, the All‑Knower”

[Fussilat 41:36]

Some of the Sahaabah complained about the waswaas that was bothering them. Some of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said to him, ‘We find in ourselves thoughts that are too terrible to speak of.’ He said, ‘Are you really having such thoughts?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is a clear sign of faith.’” (Narrated by Muslim). (Narrated by Muslim, 132 from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah).

Al-Nawawi said in his commentary on this hadeeth: “The Prophet’s words, ‘That is a clear sign of faith’ means, the fact that think of this waswaas as something terrible is a clear sign of faith, for if you dare not utter it and you are so afraid of it and of speaking of it, let alone believing it, this is the sign of one who has achieved perfect faith and who is free of doubt.”

And it was said that what it means is that the Shaytaan only whispers to those whom he despairs of tempting, because he is unable to tempt them. As for the kaafir, he can approach him in any manner he wants and is not restricted to waswaas, rather he can play with him however he wants. Based on this, what the hadeeth means is that the cause of waswaas is pure faith, or that waswaas is a sign of pure faith. See also question no. 12315

The fact that you hate that and your heart recoils from it is a clear sign of faith. Waswaas happens to everyone who turns to Allaah by reciting dhikr etc. It is inevitable, but you have to be steadfast and patient, and persevere with your dhikr and prayer, and not give up, because in this way you will ward off the plot of the Shaytaan. “Ever feeble indeed is the plot of Shaytaan” [al-Nisa’ 4:76 – interpretation of the meaning]. Every time a person wants to turn to Allaah, waswaas brings other matters to mind. The Shaytaan is like a bandit: every time a person wants to move towards Allaah, he wants to block the way. Hence when it was said to one of the salaf that the Jews and Christians say, “We do not experience waswaas,” he said, “They are speaking the truth, for what would the Shaytaan do with a house in ruins?”

(From Fataawa Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, 22/608).

The remedy:

1 – If you feel that you are being affected by this waswaas, say, “Aamantu Billaahi wa Rasoolihi (I believe in Allaah and His Messenger).” It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Shaytaan comes to one of you and says, ‘Who created you?’ And he says ‘Allaah.’ Then the Shaytaan says, ‘Who created Allaah?’ If that happens to any one of you, let him say, Aamantu Billaahi wa Rusulihi (I believe in Allaah and His Messenger). Then that will go away from him.”

(Narrated by Ahmad, 25671; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah, 116).

2 – Try to stop thinking about that as much as possible, and keep busy with things that will distract you from it.

Finally we advise you to keep on turning to Allaah in all situations, and to ask Him for help, and to beseech Him, and to ask Him to make you steadfast until death, and to cause you to die doing righteous deeds… And Allaah knows best.

Mother-out-laws, infidelity and divorce

Wednesday May 27, 2009
Study confirms mothers-in-law are the chief cause of divorces
By YENG AI CHUN

KUALA LUMPUR: Every married person knows it, but a local study has confirmed it – mothers-in-law are the chief cause of divorces, especially in the Indian community.

Data in the Malaysia Community and Family Study 2004 by the National Population and Family Development Board (LPPKN) revealed that “meddlesome in-laws” is the number one reason why Indian couples get divorced.

It is also among the top three factors for divorce among the Malays and Chinese. The other two factors are incompatibility (42.3%) and infidelity (12%).

“Interference by in-laws is the main reason for Indians to divorce. It is the top-ranked reason at 30%,” said LPPKN director-general Datuk Aminah Abdul Rahman when presenting a paper on Malaysia’s family profile and its effects at Institut Kefahaman Islam Malaysia yesterday.

Infidelity is the marriage breaker among the Malays and Indians but it is tolerated among the Chinese.

“Among Malays, the second most common reason is infidelity and refusal to put up with polygamy,” she said.

“Among the Indians, infidelity is the second highest ranked reason for divorce at 25%,” she said.

However, the Chinese considered infidelity as the least crucial reason for a divorce.

Cheating was at the bottom along with health and gambling addiction at 4.2%.

Surprisingly, abuse is not a reason for divorce among the Malays and Chinese, but is a reason among Indians at 5%.

“Another overall reason which ranked high among the three races at 11.5% is ‘not being responsible’,” she said.

Although it is common perception that the family institution is quite fragile and divorces are rampant, data shows otherwise - only 0.7% of the population was divorced in 2000.

The data shows that divorce is more likely to happen to those under 25 and above 40.

Meanwhile, Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil said that more Malaysian women were choosing to marry later in life and it could cause a reduction in fertility rate and an ageing society.

“The National Family Policy and its action plan will address this issue of late marriages,” she said.

The policy would be presented to the Cabinet soon.

The Myth of Equality

(my professor at California State Univ once told us..."its shameful how the Muslims treat their women..."...and the American students all nodded gravely...I thought it was really funny...how equality was viewed from their standpoint.

• The Plight of Women Soldiers

  More women have fought and died in Iraq than in all the wars since World War II put together. Yet the US military continues to treat them like second class citizens.

BY HELEN BENEDICT
May 5, 2009

"Nobody believes me when I say I'm a veteran," she said that day, tucking her long red hair behind her ears. "I was in Iraq getting bombed and shot at, but people won't even listen when I say I was at war. You know why? Because I'm a female."

Full story here.

maryam...

today I didn't want to wake up,
because I thought I had already died
and gone to heaven...
it was so blissful and warm and peaceful
something sweetly intoxicating my senses...
like a drug...
but when I opened my eyes...
it was the smell of your lovely, long, soft, wavy hair
in my face
and the warmth of your small body against me
the feel of your heartbeat against my hand
and your long, long, long, foal like legs
wrapped around me.

if that is heaven on earth,
I can't imagine
what His heaven would be like.

If I get there...

But you and Sakinah will...
because you are the two
loveliest people,
inside and out
I have ever known.
warm, loving, emphatic,
fair, patient, wise,
brave, adventurous,
kind...
giving...

Are you really mine?
you
utterly
beautiful
beings...?

ما شاء الله

Shaykh Muhammad Maulud's Matharatul Qulub: The Alchemy of the Heart.
(translated by Hamza Yusuf)

part 1

part 2

SEMALAM

aku menerima lagi kunjungan
awan yang turun
tanpa diundang
gelap pekat hitam
tidak tentu masa
ia bertandang
membayangiku
bagai payung diraja
cuma sejengkal
dari ubun-ubun...
aku cuba berlari
ia mengekori
memintas
selangkah di depan
melemaskan
mengebaskan
melupuskan segala sempadan masa
ruang dan tempat
memunahkan segala perasaan
melenyapkan diri
meninggalkan jasad
bagai kapal tanpa kemudi
hanya dipimpin
malaikat pelindung delapan
seperti orang buta
pekak
tuli
sehingga
dengan rahmatNya...
awan kembali menyusup
dengan senyap...
ke tempat gelap dan ngeri
dari mana
ia bersemayam...
bersembunyi...

like the coward it is.

I will be waiting. To rip you to shreds.

The next time.

Satan and Humanity

By Fethullah Gulen

http://www.islamonline.net/English/In_Depth/MagicAndJinn/Topic_02/03.SHTML

The jinn we know as Satan was created from fire. Before his obedience and sincerity were tested through Adam, he had been in the company of angels, acting and worshiping as they did. Unlike angels, however, who cannot rebel against God (At-Tahrim 66:6), Satan was free to choose his own path of conduct. When God tested him and the angels by commanding them to prostrate before Adam, the seeds of his self-conceit and disobedience blossomed and swallowed him. He replied in his vanity, (I am better than him. You created me from fire, whilst him you did create of clay) (Saad 38:76). Why was Satan created? Satan was created for important purposes. If Satan, who continually tries to seduce us, did not exist, our creation would be meaningless and futile. God has innumerable servants who cannot rebel and thus do whatever they are told. In fact, the existence of an absolute Divine Being Who has many beautiful names and attributes requires, not because of some external necessity but because of the essential nature of His names, that His names be manifest. God gave us free will so that we could know good from evil. In addition, He gave us great potentials. Our development of these potentials and our struggle to choose between good and evil make us experience a constant battle in our inner and outer worlds. Just as God sends hawks upon sparrows so that the latter will develop their potential to escape, He created Satan and allowed him to tempt us so that our resistance to temptation will raise us spiritually and strengthen our willpower. Just as hunger stimulates human beings and animals to further exertion and discovery of new ways to be satisfied, and fear inspires new defenses, Satan’s temptations cause us to develop our potentials and guard against sin. There is an infinitely long line of spiritual evolution between the ranks of the greatest prophets and saints down to those of people like Pharaoh and Nimrod; therefore it cannot be claimed that the creation of Satan is evil. Although Satan is evil and serves various important purposes, God’s creation involves the whole universe and should be understood in relation to the results, not only with respect to the acts themselves. Whatever God does or creates is good and beautiful in itself or in its effects. For example, rain and fire are very useful but can cause great harm when abused; therefore, one cannot claim that the creation of water and fire is not totally good. It is the same with the creation of Satan. His main purpose is to cause us to develop our potential, strengthen our willpower by resisting his temptations, and then rise to higher spiritual ranks. To the argument made by some that Satan leads many people to unbelief and subsequent punishment in Hell, I would reply with the following: First, although Satan was created for many good, universal purposes, many people may be deceived by him. But Satan only whispers and suggests; he cannot force you to indulge in evil and sin. If you are so weak that his false promises deceive you and you allow yourself to be dragged down, you earn the punishment of Hell by misusing an important God-given faculty that enables you to develop your potential and raise to the highest rank. You must use your free will, which makes you human and gives you the highest position in creation, properly, and to further your intellectual and spiritual evolution. Otherwise, you must complain about being honored with free will and therefore about being human. Second, as quality is much more important than quantity, we should consider qualitative, as opposed to quantitative, values when making our judgment. For example, 100 date seeds are worth only 100 cents if they are not planted. If only 20 out of 100 seeds grow into trees due to the other 80 being destroyed by too much water, can we argue that it is evil to plant and water the seeds? I think all of us can agree that it is wholly good to have 20 trees in exchange for 100 seeds, since 20 trees will produce 20,000 seeds. Again, 100 peacock eggs may be worth a couple of dollars. But if only 20 eggs hatch and the rest do not, who will say that it is wrong to risk 80 eggs being spoiled in return for 20 peacocks? On the contrary, it is wholly good to have 20 peacocks at the expense of 80 eggs, for those 20 peacocks will lay even more eggs. It is the same with humanity. By fighting Satan and their evil-commanding selves, many “worthless” people have been lost in exchange for thousands of prophets, millions of saints, and billions of men and women of wisdom and knowledge, sincerity and good morals. All of these people are the sun, moon, and stars of the human world.

SELF-CONTROL

Thy soul cares only for itself, like the camel:

Be a man, get its halter into thine hand,

That thou mayst become a pearl albeit thou art a potter's vessel.

He that does not command himself

Becomes a receiver of commands from others.

Love and fear were mingled in thy making:

Fear of this world and of the world to come, fear of death,

Fear of all the pains of earth and heaven;

Love of riches and power, love of country,

Man, in whom clay is mixed with water, is fond of ease,

Devoted to wickedness and enamoured of evil.

So long as thou hold'st the staff of "There is no god but He,"

Thou wilt break every spell of fear.

His neck is not bowed before vanity.

Fear finds no way into his bosom,

heart is afraid of none but Allah.

Whoso dwells in the world of Negation.

He withdraws his gaze from all except God

And lays the knife to the throat of his son.

Though single, he is like a host in onset:

Life is cheaper in his eyes than wind.

The Moselm's heart deems prayer a lesser pilgrimage.

In the Muslim's hand prayer is like a dagger.

Killing sin and forwardness and wrong.

Fasting makes an assault upon hunger and thirst.

The pilgrimage enlightens the soul of the Faithful:

It teaches separation from one's home and destroys attachment to one's native land;

It is an act of devotion in which all feel themselves to be one,

It binds together the leaves of the book of religion,

And makes equality familiar;

It fortifies the heart with righteousness,

It increases wealth and diminishes fondness for wealth.

All this is a means of strengthening thee:

Draw might from the litany "O Almighty One!"

That thou mayst ride the camel of thy body. Allama Iqbal

Today I was very petty. My Benggali neghbours who tortured me with their 4 year renovation job have a way of getting on my nerves.

I know I wasn't acting like a good muslim and turning the other cheek. Must be my perpetual PMS.

When the leaves of my frangipani tree fall onto their side (outside), I don't mind them sweeping it back to mine...BUT when they sweep up THEIR leaves too and chuck it on my side sekali...I get pissed.

So, I separated and picked up all THEIR leaves from that they dumped on my lawn and put it back on their side.

So petty of me, kan? I know.

They are OCD, washing and sweeping from morning to night-time, so I haven't increased their workload in any way, since they sweep every tiny piece as dust and grass daily anyways.

Those idiots have poisoned and tortured the whole neighborhood in their effort to build the perfect house for 4 years. And left cracks and all on my walls from their repeated demolitions of their contractor's work because they were't satisfied. (They never are/were). Got their contractors to spray shellac ALL their almost 15 doors in their compound and left a film of varnish all over the neighboorhood and my kids lungs and my car and my windows, because they were disgustingly selfish and uneducated on the dangers. They werent living there anyway that time. Jerks. Something that should have been done in the factory, they did in a residential area and the authorities turned a blind eye.

And they created a washing area on the SECOND floor behind...resulting in their dirty wash water dumped below onto others' back areas. Everyone washes clothes on the ground floor, except for these jokers. Jakuns.

Malaysia. The land of anything goes. No rules, no laws are sacrosanct.

And oh...their kid kept banging on his metal play pot the whole day yesterday and today and every other day while I'm trying to work...and so...I cranked up some rock and roll real high, till the other neighbours car alarms went off. That sent home the message. Maybe I will do that when the other neighbour's dog starts barking non-stop again the whole night because the bloody owners won't let it sleep inside.

I'm feeling real evil today.

Satan is having a field day with me. I'm not being a good Vice-Chair of the residents' association.

More like the Chairman of Vice.

Solitude

Tanhaai

phir ko’ii aayaa, dil-e-zaar! nahiin, ko’ii nahiin;
raah-rau hogaa, kahiin aur chalaa jaaegaa.
dhal chukii raat, bikharne lagaa taaron kaa ghubaar,
larkharaane lage aiwaanon mein khwaabiida charaagh,
so ga’ii raasta tak takke har ek rah guzaar;
ajnabi khaak ne dhundlaa diye qadmon ke suraagh.

gul karo shamiin, barhaa do mai-o-miinaa-o-ayaagh,
apne be khwaab kivaaron ko muqaffal kar lo;
ab yahaan ko’ii nahiin, ko’ii nahiin aayega!

- Faiz Ahmed Faiz Urdu Poet

******

Solitude

Someone finally came, O my unhappy heart!
No, no one came;
He must be a passer by, to some other place he'd go.
The night is now over, the clouds of stars are scattering.
The lamps full of dreams are wavering in the winds.
Listening to the travellers' footsteps the roads are now falling asleep
And the strange dust has blurred the footprints.

Blow out the lamp, O my unhappy heart!
Break the glasses, efface all memories of wine.
Bolt your undreaming doors.
No one will come here now. No one.

- Translation by Ravi Kopra

A Reality Check

A friend came to me, feeling distraught, confused, ashamed, angry at herself for making the same mistakes over and over. Loneliness, desperation to fill the voids left by her spouse who abandoned the marriage the cowardly way, by taking another wife, distorted perceptions of love, struggles to regain her self-esteem and footing...always led her to take the wrong steps leading to wrong men/wrong actions that only ended badly and battered her psyche more. Why do I keep getting rejected? Why do I fall for the wrong people? Why do I get the wrong signals?

Why is do I keep falling in love so often and end up getting burned again and again? She asked.

Well friend...love is not that easy to fall into. Love (marriage) takes time and patience. Knowing each other as separate, distinct persons, respecting each others needs and proclivities, acknowledging their human-ness, not having unreasonable expectations, going with the flow ie "dancing' with/to the other's rhythm, and not imposing ours on them. Knowing and accepting each's responsibilities, caring for and supporting each other as partners in life.

Love is not what we see on TV...a glance, a word, instant attraction,instant reciprocity, instant gratification, romance, the need to absorb and be absorbed...true love is NOT blind. The love that we often see/expect is really "anti-love". What society, books, Hollywood, Bollywood sells. Anti-love only leads to anti-climax, destruction, disappointment, heartbreak, battered esteem and anger. Anger that the one didn't turn out to be who we wanted him/her to be, based on false beliefs and expectations and popular culture.

I'm still trying to understand myself, this thing we call love/we THINK is love...its not easy to UNTHINK in this environment borne of so many long held and nurtured illusions and false hopes.

But dear friend, we will go into that later. I just want to tell you...that all your constant headlong blunders into what you think is "love" could well be explained as mere "infatuation" as I posted below for you. Just to tell you, that NO, you are not crazy, and you are not alone, you're human...and to help you keep yourself in check, the next time...before you fall.

I know you desperately want to fill that void he left, but believe me...another man/person is not the answer...the answer will come in time, when you allow yourself to wait, be patient, be kind to yourself, stop blaming yourself, and fill the void with something else...the magic of self-discovery. No one, spouse or otherwise can save anyone else's life. Dependency on another will only lead to self-destruction. It's not in anyone else. It's in YOU.

And you are a wonderful person. Everyone is. If they only give themselves the time and space and quiet to let her/him emerge. No expectations. Just acceptance.

As is.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala has promised us that He will not change a person’s condition until the person changes himself or herself.

*******************************************

My Definition Of Infatuation:
Infatuation Makes You Blind, Deaf, and Dumb
by Ken Johnston

We need a new definition of infatuation, because the common definitions don't help us. I'll show you what I mean.

One dictionary's definition of infatuation: "Be inspired by an intense, but short lived, passion or admiration for." That's only a tiny part of the story.

Wikipedia's definition of infatuation is much more complete, but they don't define infatuation, they instead, refer to it as "Limerance" a word first coined by Dorothy Tennov a professor of psychology.

Here's an excerpt of the Wikipedia's definition of infatuation: (Limerance)

Limerence is a state of mind characterized by intrusive thinking, longing, uncertainty, hope, misperception, fantasies, and passion. Limerence has been described as 'having a crush,' 'infatuation,' 'passionate love,' 'puppy love,' 'romantic love,' or 'being in love.' It is important to note that limerence is neither love nor sexual attraction. Love, sexual attraction, and limerence can all exist without each other or any or all of them can coexist together.

Additionally, Tennov lists certain basic components that expand the definition of infatuation very helpfully.

Limerence has certain basic components

• intrusive thinking about the limerent object
• acute longing for reciprocation
• some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerence through vivid imagining of action by the limerent object that means reciprocation
• fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence
• intensification through adversity
• acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object
• an aching in the chest when uncertainty is strong
• buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident
• a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background
• a remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in the limerent object and to avoid dwelling on the negative or render it into another positive attribute.

I consider this list to be a wonderfully accurate listing of the characteristics of infatuation. They are almost all present when a person experiences infatuation.

My Definition of Infatuation: Temporary Insanity

I define infatuation as temporary insanity that makes a person deaf, blind, and dumb.

Infatuation is a form of madness. (It is also the about the most wonderful, amazing, incredibly good feeling we can have.)

Infatuation feels like love, looks like love, and is very commonly mistaken for love — but infatuation isn't love. We know it can't be love, because it always fades away and doesn’t come back — with the same person. Whereas love will stay after infatuation disappears.

Infatuation feels so good that some people even become serial infatuators, jumping from partner to partner, always seeking the high that infatuation brings. Infatuation can be addictive.

Infatuation makes even insignificant things seem "magical"

My definition of infatuation includes it's role as an intensifier of feelings.

Infatuation does powerful, magical things. Infatuation 'magnifies' the intensity of feelings you get from shared experiences with your partner. Real love is the sum of the positive bonds you build up from shared positive experiences with your partner. The size of the good feeling is intensified, or 'magnified' by the madness of infatuation.

Infatuation blinds you to your partner's human-ness

My definition of infatuation includes the insanity it produces: Infatuation is a form of madness because you lose touch with reality.

Eventually, you're going to realize that your partner isn't the most perfect, beautiful or handsome, and loving person in the whole world.

You'll see that your partner is really just a person with the normal number of flaws and idiosyncrasies.

While you're infatuated, however, you're 'blind' to your partner's faults, weaknesses, and failings. It seems your partner is perfect in so many ways.

Infatuation makes you 'dumb' and 'deaf,' too

Infatuation makes you 'dumb' because you lose touch with things that are really important to you in your life, like your education, your parents and family, your friends, your career, your goals, your values, and much more.

Life becomes temporarily all about your partner and those other things seem to fade in importance.

Infatuation makes you 'deaf' to the opinions and observations of family and friends who care a great deal about you.

Infatuation always goes away. While it seems painful at the time, it's a good thing that the madness fades away and reality returns.

No one could go through life with the intensity of focus infatuation brings. During infatuation, you could talk all night. You can survive with almost no sleep. You can ignore your responsibilities. You may pay no attention to your health.

Not everybody gets infatuated with their partner. You still can have a wonderful life-long, bonded relationship with your partner without ever having been infatuated. But, If you don't know or realize what infatuation is, you can make some very big mistakes.

Jeanette

Jeanette was happily married, raising a family, but had never felt the madness of infatuation with her husband. So, when she began to feel infatuated with a coworker, she thought that finally, she had found her true love, and she must have missed true love in her marriage.

Poor Jeanette simply didn't understand what infatuation was. She didn't realize that what she had with her husband was real love, and what she had with her coworker was simply infatuation that would soon fade away.

Alicia

Alicia didn't realize that infatuation would fade away, and when it did a few months before her wedding, she thought she had fallen out of love with her fiancé.

She got cold feet and canceled her engagement. She had simply begun to see him as a real person, not the unreal person she had conjured up under the influence of infatuation.

Infatuation and You

May you have the good fortune to experience infatuation with your partner. May you cherish the incredibly intense memories of shared bonding experiences you have while infatuated.

May you wisely accept the return of reality and lovingly accept that your partner is simply a person with all the strengths and failings of any normal human.

While bonded with your partner, may you never experience the madness of infatuation again — with someone else. And, if you do, may you turn away, run with the wind, and know that infatuation with another person is madness gone astray.

If you need to find out how to get over an unwanted infatuation, read "Help Me, Help Me Please." (It will open in a new window so you won't lose your place.)

Anger

One of the moral traits recommended in the Qur’an is forgiveness:

Hold to forgiveness, command what is right, and turn away from the ignorant. (Qur’an, 7: 199)

In another verse Allah commands: “… They should rather pardon and overlook. Would you not love Allah to forgive you? Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Qur’an, 24:22)

Those who do not abide by the moral values of the Qur’an find it very difficult to forgive others. Because, they are easily angered by any error committed. However, Allah has advised the faithful that forgiveness is more proper:

The repayment of a bad action is one equivalent to it. But if someone pardons and puts things right, his reward is with Allah… (Qur’an, 42:40)

…. But if you pardon and exonerate and forgive, Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Qur’an, 64: 14)

It has also been revealed in the Qur’an that forgiveness is a superior moral trait: “But if someone is steadfast and forgives, that is the most resolute course to follow.” (Qur’an, 42:43) For that reason, believers are forgiving, compassionate and tolerant people who, as revealed in the Qur’an, “control their rage and pardon other people.” (Qur’an, 3:134)

Believers’ notion of forgiveness is very different to that of those who do not live by the morals of the Qur’an. Even though many people may say they have forgiven someone who has offended them, it nevertheless takes a long time to free themselves of the hatred and anger in their hearts. Their behaviour tends to betray that anger. On the other hand, the forgiveness of believers is sincere. Because believers know that human beings are tried in this world, and learn by their mistakes, they are tolerant and compassionate. Moreover, believers are also capable of forgiveness even when they are in the right, and the other in the wrong. When forgiving, they make no distinction between large errors and small ones. Someone may cause severe losses to them by mistake. However, believers know that everything takes place under the command of Allah, and according to a specific destiny, and therefore, they surrender themselves to these developments, never acquiescing to anger.

According to recent research, American scientists established that those capable of forgiveness are healthier in both mind and body. Dr. Frederic Luskin, who holds a Ph.D. in Counselling and Health Psychology from Stanford University, and his team, studied 259 people living in the city of San Francisco. The scientists invited the subjects to attend six one-and-a-half-hour sessions, and aimed to instruct the subjects in forgiveness during their conversations.

The subjects of the experiments stated that they suffered less after forgiving people who had wronged them. The research showed that people who learned to forgive feel much better, not only emotionally but also physically. For example, it was established that after the experiment psychological and physical symptoms such as stress-related backache, insomnia and stomachaches were significantly reduced in these individuals.

In his book, Forgive for Good, Dr. Frederic Luskin describes forgiveness as a proven recipe for health and happiness. The book describes how forgiveness promotes such positive states of mind as hope, patience and self-confidence by reducing anger, suffering, depression and stress. According to Dr. Luskin, harboured anger causes observable physical effects in the individual. He goes on to say that:

The thing about long-term or unresolved anger, is we’ve seen it resets the internal thermostat. When you get used to a low level of anger all the time, you don’t recognize what’s normal. It creates a kind of adrenaline rush that people get used to. It burns out the body and makes it difficult to think clearly—making the situation worse.

In addition, Dr. Luskin says, when the body releases certain enzymes during anger and stress, cholesterol and blood pressure levels go up—not a good long-term disposition to maintain the body in.

An article called “Forgiveness,” published in the September-October 1996 edition of Healing Currents Magazine, stated that anger towards an individual or an event led to negative emotions in people, and harmed their emotional balance and even their physical health. The article also states that people realise after a while that the anger is a nuisance to them, and wish to repair the damage to the relationship. So, they take steps to forgive. It is also stated that, despite all they endure, people do not want to waste the precious moments of their life in anger and anxiety, and prefer to forgive themselves and others.

In another study involving 1,500 people depression, stress and mental illness were observed to be less frequent in religious people. Dr. Herbert Benson, who conducted the research, linked this to the way religions encourage “forgiveness”, and went on to say:

There’s a physiology of forgiveness… When you do not forgive, it will chew you up.

According to an article titled, “Anger is Hostile To Your Heart,” published in the Harvard Gazette, anger is extremely harmful to the heart. Ichiro Kawachi, an assistant professor of medicine, and his team scientifically demonstrated this with various tests and measurements. As a result of their research, they established that grumpy old men had three times the risk of heart disease than their more tempered peers. “The tripling of risk,” Kawachi says, “involves high levels of anger, explosive anger that includes smashing things and wanting to hurt someone in a fight.”

Researchers believe that release of stress hormones, increased oxygen demand by the heart’s muscle cells, and added stickiness of blood platelets, which leads to clots explain how anger increases the chance of a heart attack. Furthermore, at times of anger, the pulse rises above its normal level, and leads to increased blood pressure in the arteries, and thus to a greater risk of heart attack.

According to researchers, anger and hostility can also trigger the production of proteins linked to inflammation in the blood. The journal Psychosomatic Medicine suggested that the emotion triggers the production of inflammatory proteins, which may in turn be causing the hardening of the arteries, causing heart disease and stroke. According to Associate Professor Edward Suarez of the Duke University Medical Centre in North Carolina, the protein interleukin 6 (or IL-6) is much higher in men who are angry and depressed. High blood levels of IL-6 lead to atherosclerosis, the build-up of fatty deposits in the lining of the walls of arteries. According to Suarez, as well as factors such as smoking, high blood pressure, obesity and high cholesterol, heart disease is also linked to psychological states such as depression, anger and hostility.

Another article, titled “Anger Raises Risk of Heart Attack,” published in The Times, stated that a short temper might be a short cut to a heart attack, and that young men who reacted to stress by becoming angry were three times more likely to develop premature heart disease, and were five times more likely to have an early heart attack. 11 Scientists at John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland, found that quick-tempered men are at risk of heart attack even if there is no family history of heart disease.

All the available research shows that anger is a state of mind that seriously damages human health. Forgiveness, on the other hand, even if it comes hard to people, is pleasing, an aspect of superior morals, that eliminates all the harmful effects of anger, and helps the individual to enjoy a healthy life, both psychologically and physically. Forgiveness, of course, is one of a form of behaviour by which a person can stay healthy, and a positive virtue everyone should live by. However, the true aim of forgiveness—as in all else—must be to please Allah. The fact that the features of this sort of morality, and that the benefits of which have been scientifically identified, have been revealed in many verses of the Qur’an, is just one of the many sources of wisdom it contains.

From The Guiding Light

Kisah Sehelai Saputangan...

Maryam is the joker in the family. She never fails to make me laugh. She showed me her BM test results today, kertas 2, the essay part...and we laughed and laughed till we cried. She got a C. I told her she should have gotten an A...for her ability to "goreng". I wonder about the silly topics sometimes. This one requires her to write about a "saputangan". And she had this to say...

Aku sehelai saputangan. Aku disimpan di dalam kotak. Manusia menggunakan aku kerana aku sangat berguna untuk mereka. Namaku bernama sapu tangan.

Aku dijual di kedai. Banyak orang yang membeliku. Tetapi kadang-kadang manusia menggunakan aku untuk mengelap lantai. (ROTFL!!! Bila masa pulak tu...)

Aku suka menjadi sehelai sapu tangan. Manusia menggunakan aku dengan baik. Mereka suka menyimpanku di dalam stor. Kerana mereka menggunakanku dengan baik.

Semasa mereka menggunakanku, aku menjadi kotor. Tetapi aku tidak kisah kerana aku sehelai saputangan. Dan manusia menggunakan aku bila-bila masa sahaja dan semasa mereka berpeluh.

Aku sehelai sapu tangan dan manusia menggunakan aku untuk apa sahaja...

Teacher's verdict: Isi dan idea kurang ie: tak de modal...

Well, I wouldn't have anything to say about a stupid hanky either...hahaha...(at least she made the word count...hahaha)

Maryam, Maryam...tak sabar Umi nak habis kerja ni and make you my sweet-smelling bantal peluk...and Kakak too...

Words from the wise...

sasa: why do you always do to me like this?

mimi: cause tadi i sebenarnya x nak bagi u solat dulu. and 1 more, I'm kinda jealous of you...

sasa: yeah right....why?

mimi: cause you always get every thing u want in that minit. and pleeze don't say yeah right!!!

sasa: yeah right. you pun sama!!! always want that thing in that minit jugak!!!

mimi: betul tu...tapi that dosen't count...the thing that counts is we need to get along. that's wat sisters do that's wat family's do. we need 2 love each other...there's nobody else that's gonna help us. so wat do u say???

sasa: i say........oklah!!! I love you 4 eva!!!

mimi: ok!!! but only on one condition. if we're mad at each other, just take a deep breath and cool down...bye bye!!! tata titi tutu!!! CHAU!!!

(from a piece of paper I found last night, containing an exchange between my kids about a fight they had...they passed the paper back and forth it seems...hahaha...sasa and mimi are their nicks for each other...sakinah and maryam...11 and 8....I wonder where they learnt that from...I usually gasp for breath and go BALLISTIC...and not cool down...must LEARN from them....)

I love you Sakinah and Maryam...you are both are a balm for my heart, my soul, enrich my life with love and warmth...and a sight for weary eyes...I am so blessed to have you both...may Allah take your hearts in His Hands and keep them in Iman and envelop them in Peace and Happiness and Strength.

Sakinah's fav song...I kinda like the lyrics, very encouraging (not bad, Miley :):

Facebook Etiquette...

Lifted from me olde friend Tarings blog...

It is UNBEARABLY HOT in KL tonite...last nite I took a shower at 3 am..and the water was HOT...the walls of the house are hot tonite. The air is hot. Everything is HOT.

Abnormally hot. Forecast for Wednesday 13 May...111.2 degrees Farenheit (as in comfort level)...tonite is 87 degrees and I'm roasting...111 degrees and I will be well done.

My head's spinning.

Yusof Ghani

My old school buddy Yusof Ghani took these gorgeous pictures which I lifted off his facebook with his permission...(click on pics for larger view). After 8 years, he picked up his camera again and this ex-photojournalist took this brilliant shot of Kajang at night:

View from rumah tumpangan...don't ask me what he was doing there (he's a good guy...)...love this one too

Jalan Tun Razak...dusk

Hopefull, this will answer (partly) Mamasita's question in the previous post:

Fate or Free Will, Nature or Nurture

Q 1. Please explain what is the concept of fate in Islam. We Muslims say that Allah knows everything. He knows what is going to happen to us and He knows what our end will be. If Allah knows all these things, so why are we being judged? We don’t have our own will to do anything; in that case whatever we may do Allah already has our fate decided. Please reply. (Omer Masud, Melbourne, Florida)

A 1. We do not use the word “fate” in Islam. The word “fate” means “the power that determines the outcome of events before they occur”. Some people believe in fate as an independent and invisible power that controls their destinies. Such people are called “fatalists”. A Muslim is not a fatalist person. Muslims believe in Allah and only Allah has the power to predetermine anything. Allah is “al-Qadir” (the All Powerful or Omnipotent) and “al-’Aleem” (the All Knower, Omniscient). Since Allah has power over every thing, He must know every thing. He must know things before they happen, because if He knew things only after they happened, He would not have full power over them. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala not only knows everything, but He also decides and determines everything in His universe. Whatever happens in this world happens according to Allah’s decision and plan. In Islamic terminology this principle is known as “al-qada wa al-qadar”(the decision and determination of Allah). It is a very important principle of Iman (faith).

Does this mean that we human beings have no freedom? It seems that way apparently to some people. One Western scholar put the problem very interestingly in the following words: “If God knows everything He must know the future, and if He knows the future, He must know the future acts of His creatures. But then His creatures must act, as He knows they will act. How then can they be free?” There are many people who became confused by looking at the problem in this way. There were also some Muslim thinkers who believed that human beings had no freedom. They were called “Jabriyah”. The majority of Muslim scholars did not accept this position, they strongly criticized and condemned this position and considered it against the teachings of the Qur’an and authentic Sunnah. The mainstream Muslim position is that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has the knowledge of all things and He has the power over all things. Allah, however, has also granted freedom to human beings. Allah’s power and foreknowledge do not mean that human beings have no freedom, nor does Human freedom negate Allah’s power and foreknowledge. Human beings are free only as much as Allah has granted them the freedom. However, in spite of our human freedom we are still under the control of Allah and within His knowledge. Allah will judge us according to the freedom and responsibility that He gave us. He knows very well how much freedom we have and to what extent we are able to exercise our freedom, each one of us in our own circumstances. It is for this reason that we say that only Allah is the True and Final Judge. In the Qur’an He is called “Ahkam al-hakimin” (the best of all the judges, Hud 11:45; al-Tin 95:8)).

When we carefully examine our own selves and the world around us, we see two things very clearly. On the one hand we find ourselves overwhelmed by forces that are apparently beyond our decision and control, but on the other hand we do experience real freedom and we make our choices between various options.

In modern terminology people use the terms “nature” and “nurture”. The truth is that neither everything that we do is by nature, i.e. we are born with it; nor every thing is by nurture.

The truth is that we are free and we are determined both at the same time. Nature and nurture both work in our lives. Our freedom is limited, nevertheless it does exist and it is the deciding factor for our responsibility and consequently for the eternal reward or punishment.

In the Qur’an Allah has spoken about His control and power as well as human freedom and responsibility. Both aspects are very clearly mentioned in the Qur’an. The best way to understand and interpret the Qur’an is to keep both of these aspect in mind. We should not emphasize our freedom at the expense of Allah’s power and knowledge, nor should we speak about Allah’s power and knowledge by negating and denying our own freedom and responsibility. Maulana Maududi -may Allah bless his soul- in his book Qada and Qadar (in Urdu) collected both types of verses from the Qur’an. Following a selection of these Qur’anic statements.

On Allah’s power and control, see the following verses:

All power belongs to Allah (al-Baqarah 2:165). Say, Allah is the Creator of all things, and He is the One the Mighty (al-Ra’d 13:16). Allah has created you and all that you do (al-Saffat 37:96). No female conceives, nor does she bring forth a child save with His knowledge. And no one is granted long life, not is anything diminished of its life, but it is all recorded in a book... (al-Fatir 35:11). No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence. That is truly easy for Allah. In order that you may not despair over matters that pass you by, not exult over favors bestowed upon you. For Allah loves not any vainglorious boaster” (al-Hadid 57:22-23). To Him belong the keys of the heavens and the earth. He enlarges the provisions for whomsoever He pleases and straitens it for whomsoever He pleases. Surely He knows all things full well (al-Shura 42:12). And say not of anything, ‘I shall do it tomorrow’, unless Allah wills... (al-Kahf 18:23-24). If Allah touch you with affliction there is none to remove it but He; and if He touch you with happiness, then He has power to do all that He wills (al-An’am 6:17). Whom Allah will, He lets go astray, and whom He wills, He places on the right path (al-An’am 6:39). Do you desire to guide him whom Allah has caused to perish? And for him whom Allah causes to perish you shall not find a way (al-Nisa’ 4:88). If your Lord has enforced His will, surely, all those who are on the earth would have believed together. Will you then force people to become believers? And none can believe except by the permission of Allah (Yunus 10:99-100). But on the human freedom and responsibility read the following verses: Neither according to your desires, nor according to the desires of the People of the Book, whosoever will do evil will be requited accordingly and shall not find beside Allah any protector or helper. If any do deeds of righteousness, be they male or female, and have faith, they will enter heaven and not the least injustice will be done to them (al-Nisa’ 4:123-124). This because Allah does never change a favor that He has conferred upon a people until they change their own condition... (al-Anfal 9:53). Every person stands pledged for what he has earned (al-Tur 52:21). It is the truth from your Lord; wherefore let his who will, believe, and let him who will, disbelieve (al-Kahf 18:29). This is a reminder. So let him, who will, take a way unto his Lord (al-Muzzammil 73:19). And hasten towards forgiveness from your Lord... (Al ‘Imran 3:133). O our people, respond to God’s summoner and believe in him (al-Ahqaf 46:31). Turn to your Lord and submit yourselves to Him... (al-Zumar 39:54). Corruption has spread on land and sea because of what people’s hands have wrought (al-rum 30:41). Whatever misfortune befalls you is the consequence of what your own hands have wrought. And Allah forgive many of your sins (al-Shura 42:30). Indeed Allah does not wrong the people at all, it is they wrong their own selves (Yunus 10:44). As for Thamud, We guided them, but they preferred blindness to guidance (Fussilat 41:17). There is no compulsion in religion. Surely the right way has become distinct from error (al-Baqarah 2:256).

The Qur’an has no contradictions. Allah’s power and knowledge and human freedom are not mutually exclusive. Whatever freedom we have is granted to us by Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and we should use it to submit to Him freely and willingly. This is the honor that Allah has given us and for this honor angels were asked by Allah to bow in respect and honor of the progenitor of the human race Adam -may the peace of Allah be upon him.

From Pakistan Link

Allah said in the Holy Quran, "And whatever affliction befalls you, it is on account of what your hands have wrought."

The Lost Mothers

The devaluation of motherhood is a growing phenomenon in Malaysia. When I got married and had kids, despite my earlier dreams of a high-flying career, I quit my job, because I wanted to breastfeed and care for my kids full-time and not entrust them to a maid, which I didn't have anyway. My priorities changed. It didn't matter anymore, success in the corporate world and material appendages. I just wanted to care for my family and teach my kids myself, how to read the Quran, the ABCs, math, the sciences, tell them stories, take them to parks, cook for them, do little projects with them...etc2. I was a real hands-on mother. It was a mutually agreed upon arrangement. And I thought we were contented with that.

Until of course, the man forgot his priorities and what he wanted for his family. And that left me questioning my worth, my value in this world, as a mother, a wife, a woman. It was a complete upheaval. He married a careerwoman, childless, rich and the comparisons began. The works. And those who suffer in this state of disarray when the mother starts to question and neglect her responsibilities that she suddenly felt were of no value/demeaning/restrictive/held her back etc2...are the kids.

Now the mother feels she needs to prove herself, achieve something, that something that is more valued by society, ie: career, material success, looks, acceptance, praise, prestige, knowing the right thing, reading the right books etc etc... rightly or wrongly...wrongly has always been my view, but when you are shaken up, you tend to have all these doubts, fears and regrets that consume you. The very basis of your faith is shaken. (As if childbirth wasn't enough...the shock and enormity of the responsibility of this helpless little baby put at your breast was utterly traumatising for me, and that was a journey in itself...another story).

That's what happens, these doubts, when the spouses have a lack of knowledge of their own Deen, or what is expected of them as Muslim men and women, husbands and wives; and despite my strong beliefs, I started to doubt and my self esteem plummeted. I looked for self-esteem in all the wrong places, to make up for my lost sense of purpose and being. A mother was worthless, I felt.

Where do I start over at 40? I gave up everything in my early years for him, for the family...it's still a struggle for me, but I found comfort in this article and I know many mums will too:

The Value of Motherhood in Islam

Fatima Barkatulla - student and mother of sons, aged three and nine months

A man once came to the Prophet Muhammad and asked him "Oh Messenger of God, who amongst the people is the most deserving of my good company?" The Prophet replied "Your mother." The man then asked who came next and the Prophet said again "Your mother." The man yet again asked who came after, and the Prophet yet again replied, "Your mother." The man asked "Then who else?" Then the Prophet said "Your father."

In this way the Prophet made clear to the Muslims that the position of the mother and the honour and esteem in which she is held is paramount and that she is the most deserving of our good treatment and companionship.

In the Qur'an too we see that after devotion to God, parents are the most deserving of our good behaviour and the role of the mother is specifically recognised and praised. When parents reach old age, they are included in the family and should not be neglected and lonely, just as they looked after us when we were helpless children. In this way the cycle of mutual care between parents and children is sustained.

I myself have felt valued and admired as an ftm in the Muslim community, indeed it's something Muslims respect greatly in a woman, but being born and brought up in the UK, I often felt that full-time-motherhood was not only undervalued but barely mentioned as a dignified and desirable option in the Girls' School I went to. I think the reason that people look at motherhood in such different ways boils down to how they view the roles of men and women in general.

In Islam, women and men are equal in the sight of God, but they are different and consequently have different roles to play…both roles are as important as each other and they complement each other. This is the only way a harmonious society can exist: when men are men and women are women; when we embrace our femininity and our nature and stop fighting against it, yearning to be something we are not.

Muslim women have the right to be fully supported because the responsibility for maintenance is fully on the shoulders of the men. In fact when a Muslim woman gets married, she is given a marriage gift as part of her nuptial contract and is given all the required provisions for her welfare and protection. Any wealth she owns or earns personally is her own and is entirely at her disposal and she doesn't have to contribute to the family funds unless she wants to. When my own husband was made redundant a couple of years ago, I was not expected to go out to work and even when funds were low, we budgeted and were patient with the situation until things got better. In fact if things had gotten really bad, other men from our relatives would have helped out. Being an ftm takes precedence and is seen as essential by both of us, as well as our families.

If a mother wants to work or pursue any useful occupations, she may, after mutual consultation between husband and wife. (I myself am studying at home for my degree through an open-college course). But this is if her sacred role as wife and mother is not neglected. Her role as a mother is seen as indispensable to society because the family is a microcosm of society and without her, the future generation would lack the healthy moral conscience that is needed for the success and stability of the individual and the community at large. Children have a right over us and deserve our attention and care.

Apart from the fact that I love my children and love being with them and guiding and teaching them, I hope that God will reward me in this life and the next for being a devoted mother…and this is the Muslim belief - that every good thing a mother teaches her child, every bit of love and compassion she shows them and every sacrifice she makes for them will be rewarded by God, and her reward will increase and increase if her child passes on what she has taught and will keep increasing as long as the effects of what she instilled in him last in generations to come! What a wonderful image! The effect of what we mothers do is like a pebble falling into a lake and causing a great ripple that influences generations after us!

As for education, then Islam sees educating women as absolutely vital! As an Arab Poet says:

The Mother is a School
If you prepare her properly,
You will prepare an entire people of good character.
The Mother is the first Teacher,
The most important of them,
And the best of them.

Need I say more?


More here on support for full-time mothers...

read also the problems caused by the lost mothers...here