trials and tribulations

Truly man was created very impatient: fretful when evil touches him, and niggardly when good reaches him. (70:19-21)


full article here

"There are two categories of people that a righteous believer should not slip into. The first kinds are those who desperately seek Allah’s help and forgiveness when in calamity or peril. Then when Allah (swt) delivers them from their calamity, they forget Allah and go back to their usual life of indifference to Allah and the Hereafter. About these people, Allah (swt) says:

When trouble touches a man he cries unto Us (in all postures) lying down on his side or sitting or standing. But when We have solved his trouble he passes on his way as if he had never cried to Us for a trouble that touched him! Thus do the deeds of transgressors seem fair in their eyes! (10:12)

The second kinds are those who worship Allah and follow his commandments so long as they enjoy a comfortable or trouble-free life. Then when calamities strike them, they break down and become indifferent to Allah and his commandments out of anger and frustration. It is, as if, they deserve a comfortable life in return for their worshipping of Allah (swt). About them, says Allah (swt):

Among men is he who worships Allah, while remaining on the borderline; if any good befalls him, he is satisfied; but if a trial afflicts him, he utterly turns away. He will incur loss both of this world and the Hereafter. That indeed is a clear loss. (21:11)

Falling into one these two categories is an utter failure. A true believer is one who always worships Allah (swt) – whether in calamity or in good fortune. When in calamity, he remains patient and pleased with Allah, and when something good happens to him, he thanks Allah. Thus he always earns rewards and Allah’s good pleasure while he lives in this world. The Prophet (p) said:

How wonderful is the case of a believer! There is good for him in everything, and this is not the case with anyone except a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him. (Muslim)"

Untuk kita yang dah 40 plus plus (nak selamatkan spouses yang kuat merokok dan makan dan member yang seumur dengannya...)

Kitty's tip: keep aspirin handy at home, crush and give to heart attack victim, slows blood clotting during attack.

Heart attack - emergency first aid

Reviewed by Dr Neal Uren, consultant cardiologist and Dr Reginald Odbert, GP

Important: this is a brief guide to the emergency help that can be given in the event of a heart attack or cardiac arrest before the arrival of emergency services. It is not intended as a replacement for a first aid or resuscitation course.

What should you do if someone has a heart attack?

If someone has a cardiac arrest or heart attack, there are only a few minutes to act before it is too late. It is vital to know what to do beforehand.

To perform CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) and artificial respiration (mouth to mouth resuscitation) effectively, training and frequent practice on resuscitation dummies are essential.

First aid courses are offered all over the country at night schools or by voluntary organisations such as St John Ambulance or The Red Cross.

How can you tell if someone is having a heart attack?

If the person is unconscious:

• are they breathing? Look at the patient's chest to see if it is rising and falling.
• do they have a pulse? Place two fingers on one or other side of the person's voice box in their throat to feel if they have a carotid pulse.

If the patient has a pulse but is not breathing:

• could it be because of suffocation? Feel inside the mouth with a finger to see if there is anything blocking it or the windpipe and remove any food or other objects. Provided that dentures are not broken, it is better not to remove them.
• call for help immediately, stating that the casualty is not breathing, and provide resuscitation (see below) until the patient begins to breathe or the ambulance arrives.

If there is no breathing or pulse, the patient has had a cardiac arrest.

What help is needed?

• If possible, raise the legs up 12 to 18 inches to allow more blood to flow towards the heart
• Immediately place the palm of your hand flat on the patient's chest just over the lower part of the sternum (breast bone) and press your hand in a pumping motion once or twice by using the other hand. This may make the heart beat again.

If these actions do not restore a pulse or if the subject doesn't begin to breathe again:

• call for help, stating that the casualty is having a cardiac arrest but stay with the patient.
• find out if any one else present knows CPR.
• provide artificial respiration immediately (see below).
• begin CPR immediately (see below).

How to give artificial respiration

• Tilt the head back and lift up the chin.
• Pinch the nostrils shut with two fingers to prevent leakage of air.
• Take a deep breath and seal your own mouth over the person's mouth.
• Breathe slowly into the person's mouth - it should take about two seconds to adequately inflate the chest.
• Do this twice.
• Check to see if the chest rises as you breathe into the patient.
• If it does, enough air is being blown in.
• If there is resistance, try to hold the head back further and lift the chin again.
• Repeat this procedure until help arrives or the person starts breathing again.

How do I perform CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation)?

See if there is breathing. If not, start artificial respiration as described above. Checking for a pulse in the neck (carotid artery) may waste valuable time if the rescuer is inexperienced in this check. The procedure is:

• place your fingers in the groove between the windpipe and the muscles of the side of the neck. Press backwards here to check for a pulse.

If there is no pulse, or if you are unsure, then proceed without delay thus:

• look at the person's chest and find the 'upside-down V' shaped notch that is made by the lower edge of the ribcage. Place your middle finger in this notch and then place your index finger beside it, resting on the breastbone. Take the heel of your other hand and slide it down the breastbone until it is touching this index finger. The heel of your hand should now be positioned on the middle of the lower half of the breastbone.
• now place the heel of your other hand on top of the first. Keep your fingers off the chest, by locking them together. Your pressure should be applied through the heels of the hands only.
• keep your elbows straight, and bring your body weight over your hands to make it easier to press down.
• press down firmly and quickly to achieve a downwards movement of 4 to 5cm, then relax and repeat the compression.
• do this 15 times, then give artificial respiration twice, and continue this 15:2 procedure until help arrives.
• aim for a rate of compression of about 100 per minute. You can help your timing and counting by saying out loud 'one and two and three and four ...' etc.

Artificial respiration and CPR should both be performed at the same time

• If possible, get someone else to help - one person to perform artificial respiration and the other to perform CPR. (This is not easily done without prior practice and it is well worth attending sessions on CPR training to become familiar with the technique.)
• The ratio of chest compressions to breaths is 15:2 for both one-person and two-person CPR.
• Continue until the ambulance arrives or the patient gets a pulse and starts to breathe again.
• If the pulse returns and breathing begins but the person remains unconscious, roll them gently onto their side into the recovery position. This way mucus or vomit can get out of the mouth and will not obstruct the patient's breathing. It also prevents the tongue from falling back and blocking the air passage.

Make sure the patient continues breathing and has a pulse until the ambulance arrives

• If you succeed in resuscitating the person who has been taken ill, he or she may be confused and alarmed by all the commotion. Keep the patient warm and calm by quietly, but clearly, telling them what has happened.

Again, it needs to be emphasised that the only way to provide proper first aid and resuscitation is through learning the technique, then regular practice and guidance.

Fingering Obama and the West

Ahmadenijad giving Obama the finger, Iranian-style...you go bro!


Hypocrites drone about " Iranian human rights" in Italy...

G8 'deplores' Iran poll violence

The Group of Eight leading powers meeting in Italy have said they "deplore" the post-election violence in Iran and urged the Islamic republic to "respect fundamental human rights". "We deplore post-electoral violence which led to the loss of lives of Iranian civilians," the G8 foreign ministers said in a draft statement on Friday.

While US drones keep slaughtering civilians:

Human rights do not exist for this boy from Farah in Aghanistan, because the US bombs are humane

Al Jazeera:
Up to 80 people have been killed after missiles were fired from a US "drone" at the funeral of a suspected Taliban commander of the Pakistani Taliban in South Waziristan, Pakistan officials have said.

There have reportedly been more than 20 US drone attacks against targets in Pakistan so far this year, although Tuesday's strikes are the deadliest to date.

Frequent attacks by pilotless US drone aircraft have been heavily criticised by Pakistani leaders for killing innocent civilians and infringing upon national sovereignty.

The US considers Pakistan's tribal region, of which South Waziristan is a part, a hideout from where al-Qaeda and Taliban fighters launch attacks on US forces in Afghanistan.

WASHINGTON, Jun 25, 2009 (IPS) - The version of the official military investigation into the disastrous May 4 airstrike in Farah province made public last week by the Central Command was carefully edited to save the U.S. command in Afghanistan the embarrassment of having to admit that earlier claims blaming the massive civilian deaths on the "Taliban" were fraudulent.

By covering up the most damaging facts surrounding the incident, the rewritten public version of report succeeded in avoiding media stories on the contradiction between the report and the previous arguments made by the U.S. command.

The declassified "executive summary" of the report on the bombing issued last Friday admitted that mistakes had been made in the use of airpower in that incident. However, it omitted key details which would have revealed the self-serving character of the U.S. command’s previous claims blaming the "Taliban" – the term used for all insurgents fighting U.S. forces - for the civilian deaths from the airstrikes.

The report reasserted the previous claim by the U.S. command that only about 26 civilians had been killed in the U.S. bombing on that day, despite well-documented reports by the government and by the Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission that between 97 and 147 people were killed.

Where are the human rights of the civilians continually slaughtered in cold blood daily?

Yeah Bro Ahmed! I would give 'em the finger too! (Better still that nuke warhead...)

The Land of Opportunity

My chinese neighbour at Jalan 2, has this beauty in his porch....

the SL 55...

everyday as I go for my morning walk...I only get to see this behind his gates...

I stand there for more than a minute, admiring the beautiful curves...until he comes out...looking worried, that I might be planning to steal it.

He goes to work each day on this...

...as a pillion rider, menumpang his Indonesian worker...

If I had the SL 55...I would even drive down to my neighbor two doors down in it...

Heck, I would park it in my bed and sleep with it. In it.

That man does NOT deserve that baby...leaving it out in the cold each night. I have never seen it go past the guard house either. Does he drive it at all? Or just look at it...?

I don't know what everyone is complaining about...the Benggali peon cum taxi driver cum OCD housekeeper (I too was OCD once until I had kids...they liberated me...hahaha) next door has his interior deco out of the pages of Town & Country worth almost 300k, the towkay ikan with the refrigerated pick-up dripping fish water in front of my house has a brand new Estima parked in his porch and had his angioplasty done at Gleneagles, the Malay guy opposite has a V12 7-series BMW and he can't even open his e-mails without his secretary's help..and here I am, a gomen-sponsored US-grad driving a...err.. Proton Persona in a sparsely furnished house out of the pages of How-Not-to-Decorate-Your-House.

And the guy with the SL 55...he probably sells joss-sticks for a living. I see him praying fervently each morning at his tokong with a handful of them before hopping onto the kapcai to work (maybe he prays I don't steal his Merc while he is away).

The latte-sipping Bangsar liberals whining about discrimination and inequality must be living in another universe. Or maybe their brains got de-caffeinated.

(And oh. An illegal immigrant from down south, a kiasu Singaporean Malabari mamak, snared a local's husband. Talk about wide-ranging possibilities and opportunity, opportunity...)

Isn't Malaysia great?

What are they bitching about?!

Sheesh.

Man...I wish I had that hot piece of metal here with me now. The SL 55. It sure is cold and rainy tonight.

Nite baby...I'll plan our escape...we will go topless. You will, I mean...the retractable steel hardtop gone in 16 seconds.

I will have the wind in my face. Or some discarded teh tarik bungkus thrown out of a passing van.

I just can't sleep.

...thinking of you.

Kereta Saya Dicuri!

Saya kecurian dua kereta model Mercedes Benz seperti di bawah. Sila hubungi Saya segera! Nombor plet TBMA1 dan TBMA2... Saya rindu padamu sayang2ku...kembalilah segera...!!!! Adakah ini mimpi buruk semata2? Atau memang Saya bermimpi selama ini...

Do Some Thinking Before Filing for Divorce

Posted to Resource Articles by Cathy Meyer on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 12:42pm

Are you thinking about divorce? The decision to divorce is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. It is a step that should be thoroughly thought out before taken.

Below are questions you should ask yourself before making the decision to divorce.

Is there still an emotional connection?

Have your feelings for your husband faded or are you frustrated over marital problems that seem insurmountable? If there are still feelings of love, you should work on the marriage before deciding to divorce. Don't allow feelings of frustration to cause you to make a choice you will later regret. If there is love left, seeking to solve problems with a marriage counselor could put the brakes on a divorce you didn't want in the first place.

Is your desire to divorce based on an emotional reaction or true self-awareness?

A true desire for divorce means letting go of any emotional attachments you have to your husband, the good ones and the bad ones. Making the decision to divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions won't solve problems. It will generate more problems and compound hurtful feelings and frustrations.

Being able to view your husband as an individual who deserves your respect during the transition of divorce is imperative. If you can't do this, the divorce process will be riddled with anger and conflict. Divorce is not an opportunity to point fingers and blame. It is the opportunity to move on and rebuild your life. The more negative your emotions toward your husband, the harder the process of rebuilding will be.

Is it a divorce you want, or a change in marital dynamics?

Some view divorce as a last resort — the step they need to make to get their husband's attention. They think that if they threaten divorce or follow through with a divorce, their husband will come to his senses and realize what he has lost. Their husband will be magically transformed into the man of their dreams, the marriage can be put back together, and all will live happily ever after.

If you want a change in the dynamics between you and your husband, it isn't divorce you want. Something to think about; once you have divorced, your spouse is free to form emotional attachments to others. If that thought is uncomfortable, think twice before making a decision to divorce.

Can you handle the needs others may have as a result of a divorce?

Divorce can mean a loss of dreams and goals... for you, your husband, and your children. Even if you are positive it is a divorce you want, you need to have a support system in place to help you deal with the stress associated with divorce. You need to be able to face the pain your husband and children will feel and to help them cope.

Do you have what it takes to get through the divorce process?

If you do decide to divorce, you will need a plan, realistic expectations, the ability to be honest with yourself and others, courage, self esteem, and self-respect. Take a moral inventory and arm yourself before beginning the process.

Iran...

how convenient the chaos...
as world leaders join in the fray (with their pet whore journalists/news stations)
of condemnation
and wave their
"my freedom penis is bigger than yours" banners

the warhogs gleefully
rub their already bloodied hands dipped in the blood of millions of Iraqis, Afghanis and Pakistanis
feigning concern about the so-called oppression of the Iranian people

Obama's puppeteers string him along
tugging at the ones gripping his balls
making his mouth grimace in pain
spit and sputter what they want to hear
as planned

an excuse not to engage diplomatically with
someone who is not the "legitimate" representative of the people
and

the stupid Iranians who covet Western ideals and thought
are playing right into the hands
of the bastards.

National Endowment for Democracy (NED) Behind Mousavi Green Revolution

By PAUL CRAIG ROBERTS
Sunday, June 21, 2009

A number of commentators have expressed their idealistic belief in the purity of Mousavi, Montazeri, and the westernized youth of Terhan. The CIA destabilization plan, announced two years ago (see below) has somehow not contaminated unfolding events.

The claim is made that Ahmadinejad stole the election, because the outcome was declared too soon after the polls closed for all the votes to have been counted. However, Mousavi declared his victory several hours before the polls closed. This is classic CIA destabilization designed to discredit a contrary outcome. It forces an early declaration of the vote. The longer the time interval between the preemptive declaration of victory and the release of the vote tally, the longer Mousavi has to create the impression that the authorities are using the time to fix the vote. It is amazing that people don’t see through this trick.

As for the grand ayatollah Montazeri’s charge that the election was stolen, he was the initial choice to succeed Khomeini, but lost out to the current Supreme Leader. He sees in the protests an opportunity to settle the score with Khamenei. Montazeri has the incentive to challenge the election whether or not he is being manipulated by the CIA, which has a successful history of manipulating disgruntled politicians.

There is a power struggle among the ayatollahs. Many are aligned against Ahmadinejad because he accuses them of corruption, thus playing to the Iranian countryside where Iranians believe the ayatollahs' lifestyles indicate an excess of power and money. In my opinion, Ahmadinejad's attack on the ayatollahs is opportunistic. However, it does make it odd for his American detractors to say he is a conservative reactionary lined up with the ayatollahs.

Commentators are "explaining" the Iran elections based on their own illusions, delusions, emotions, and vested interests. Whether or not the poll results predicting Ahmadinejad's win are sound, there is, so far, no evidence beyond surmise that the election was stolen. However, there are credible reports that the CIA has been working for two years to destabilize the Iranian government.

On May 23, 2007, Brian Ross and Richard Esposito reported on ABC News: “The CIA has received secret presidential approval to mount a covert “black” operation to destabilize the Iranian government, current and former officials in the intelligence community tell ABC News.”

On May 27, 2007, the London Telegraph independently reported: “Mr. Bush has signed an official document endorsing CIA plans for a propaganda and disinformation campaign intended to destabilize, and eventually topple, the theocratic rule of the mullahs.”

A few days previously, the Telegraph reported on May 16, 2007, that Bush administration neocon warmonger John Bolton told the Telegraph that a US military attack on Iran would “be a ‘last option’ after economic sanctions and attempts to foment a popular revolution had failed.”

On June 29, 2008, Seymour Hersh reported in the New Yorker: “Late last year, Congress agreed to a request from President Bush to fund a major escalation of covert operations against Iran, according to current and former military, intelligence, and congressional sources. These operations, for which the President sought up to four hundred million dollars, were described in a Presidential Finding signed by Bush, and are designed to destabilize the country’s religious leadership.”

The protests in Tehran no doubt have many sincere participants. The protests also have the hallmarks of the CIA orchestrated protests in Georgia and Ukraine. It requires total blindness not to see this.

Daniel McAdams has made some telling points. For example, neoconservative Kenneth Timmerman wrote the day before the election that “there’s talk of a ‘green revolution’ in Tehran.” How would Timmerman know that unless it was an orchestrated plan? Why would there be a ‘green revolution’ prepared prior to the vote, especially if Mousavi and his supporters were as confident of victory as they claim? This looks like definite evidence that the US is involved in the election protests.

Timmerman goes on to write that “the National Endowment for Democracy has spent millions of dollars promoting ‘color’ revolutions . . . Some of that money appears to have made it into the hands of pro-Mousavi groups, who have ties to non-governmental organizations outside Iran that the National Endowment for Democracy funds.” Timmerman’s own neocon Foundation for Democracy is “a private, non-profit organization established in 1995 with grants from the National Endowment for Democracy (NED), to promote democracy and internationally-recognized standards of human rights in Iran.”

Paul Craig Roberts was Assistant Secretary of the Treasury in the Reagan administration. He is coauthor of The Tyranny of Good Intentions.He can be reached at: PaulCraigRoberts@yahoo.com

BBC Caught In Mass Public Deception With Iran Propaganda

Paul Joseph Watson

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The BBC has again been caught engaging in mass public deception by using photographs of pro-Ahmadinejad rallies in Iran and claiming they represent anti-government protests in favor of Hossein Mousavi.

Former Iranian Prime Minister Mir Hossein Mousavi (little known abroad) and hero of the 1980-88 treacherous SADDAM-CIA-MOSSAD war against Iran, most probably after having received instructions from CIA-MOSSAD, announced ‘out of the blue’ on 9 March 2009, after 20 years of political silence, that he was entering the Iranian Presidential race only two months prior to the elections! Right at the outset, something was stinking a CIA-MOSSAD covert operation...

MOUSAVI was suddenly supposed without any kind of massive popular support that he was clearly and by some kind of miracle a far better candidate than President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who his partisans and other western agents were condemning because of “his tough anti-U.S. and anti-Israel rhetoric”! MOUSAVI’s Shenanigans are all too obvious! His agenda is a western CIA-MOSSAD one, an anti-Iranian, anti-Islamic and a pro-Israel one under the guise of reform.

MOUSAVI claims to be a reformist, that is one whose ambition is to “improve ties with the West” (Shaytaan), and “loosen restrictions at home” imposed by a “fundamentalist and archaic regime that oppresses its women”! So, MOUSAVI seeks to liberate Iranian women and has been hired by the West to lead a feminist Crusade, de-Talibanise and de-hijaabise Iranian women. As such, he poses as a political and social reformist!

The CIA-MOSSAD, a master of deception, knew very well that the traitor would lose, but the plan was to denounce the elections as a fraud once they were over, for which reason MOUSAVI claimed that he had won and celebrated his victory saying that the elections were rigged and were to be “scrapped”. Anybody can see the deception!

MOUSAVI seeks to change the very nature of the Iranian Islamic State by ‘liberalizing’ the media and morality, that is by opening Iran to prostitution, homosexuality, fornication, adultery, abortion, gambling and accepting the Holocaust of Six Million Jews without question and the Apartheid State of Israel! This is what this Zionist agent calls REFORM!

Ahmadinejad is further accused of “mismanaging” the Iranian economy, but not a word is said about the US-UN imposed sanctions that have almost crippled Iran, and the Jewish bank gangsters who are behind the global financial scam! All the ills of Iran are blamed on Ahmadinejad! The US, the UN and Apartheid Israel are all innocent parties! So, you see the treachery?

Now, that MOUSAVI has clearly been defeated democratically, he is resorting to a COUP D’ÉTAT with western complicity! But, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei holds ultimate political power in Iran and strongly supports Ahmadinejad's re-election. When MOUSAVI was Prime Minister, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was President, and because MOUSAVI wanted to have dictatorial powers, the Constitution was amended and the position of prime minister was abolished. His first coup d’état failed, but will CIA-MOSSAD MOUSAVI succeed now?

prostration/ sajdah...

from fastaqim blogspot:

Ma'dan b. Talha reported: I met Thauban, the freed slave of God's Messenger, and asked him to tell me about an act for which, if I do it, God will admit me to Paradise, or I asked about the act which was loved most by God. He gave no reply. I again asked and he gave no reply. I asked him for the third time, and he said: I asked God's Messenger about that and he said: Make frequent prostrations before God, for you will not make one prostration without raising you a degree because of it, and removing a sin from you, because of it. Ma'dan said that then he met Abu al-Darda' and when he asked him, he received a reply similar to that given by Thauban.

In the second Hadith, Rabi'a b. Ka'b said: I was with God's Messenger one night and I brought him water and what he required. He said to me: Ask (anything you like). I said: I ask your company in Paradise. He (the Prophet) said: Or anything else besides it. I said: That is all (what I require). He said: Then help me to achieve this for you by devoting yourself often to prostration.

Sajdah is truly a humbling experience. We can beg for God's forgiveness and cry by thinking about our misdeeds, as well as seek refuge in God from the Hellfire. We are in one of the most submissive physical positions when in Sajdah. It is one of the best occasions to ask God for forgiveness, guidance, and all that we want. It is one of the best positions in which to talk to God.

Painful (to read too) rantings

I can't wait for the physiotherapist to open shop tomorrow. Can't stand the pain shooting everywhere. Dull, sharp, cramping, throbbing, numbing....the works. Now my toes are tingling. In a burning way. Nerve compression? Pulled muscle again? Misery.

But pain is good. Pain heightens mortality. Feeling of mortality. That you are just a helpless lump of flesh and bone with no control whatsoever. That's when you call on God. When you're in pain. Otherwise, one is just an ungrateful, happy-go-lucky, devil-may-care human being who is under the illusion of hidup selamanya. Pain is that slap in the face. "Hey, fool...you bleed, you hurt, you ache, you bruise...and yes, you're gonna die someday. Sooner rather than later." That's why people become such bumbling, blubbering fools who suddenly find God when they find out they're gonna die and no miracle is going to make them live forever, so they better find some meaning to their life and end...or just end it right there and then by slitting their wrists. If there isn't life after death, Judgement Day, Heaven and Hell..ie: no meaning/no purpose... baik mati sekarang. Doesn't mean Diddly Squat.

If God did not send us His Guidance...no manual. No imprint. Nothing. We would be the DIY mess that clueless (and might I add bodoh sombong) husbands create. Or make us clean up.

Saw some great books today while buying my kids theirs...must get Philip Khuri Hitti's History of the Arabs...and Carole Hillenbrand's Crusades: From the Muslims' Perspective. The Malay translations at Mehraj, which are of high quality cost almost RM170 bucks each...dunno how much the English version will be...

I'm re-catching my long lost History bug...World War Two was my obssession in school...now I'm going nuts looking at other stuff I missed...wonder if Payless book store might have any copies. Don't know when I'm gonna read the others piling up over the years into a precarious mini KLCC which I barely started. No classics. Or books one 'should' read to be considered well-read. Just what I want to/like to read. I no longer have the patience or urge to read fiction. I used to when younger. Ludlum, Sanders, Michener...etc. But now its like, why bother. Why would I want to read what someone conjured? I didn't even get on the Harry Potter hysteria wagon. Why would I make my kids read thousands of pages of fiction/fantasy about sihir/ some witches/wizards...whatever the story was about. Waste of time.

Anyways...

The first time I saw the English Translation of Ibn Kathir's 10 volume tafsir which cost almost 500RM when it first came out, I wanted it soooo bad. One fine day, the book publisher I was editing for called me and said there was a big package for me. I wondered who on earth would send me stuff to the publisher's...I opend the package and there it was...the whole set of Ibn Kathir...the best gift he gave me (and that '89 230CE which replaced my tiny Kancil, now both long gone...).

I've barely read Volume 1 in all those years...12 years to be exact.

I'm gonna finish it this year. By the middle of next year maximum.

Do or die. Or should I say... before die.

Btw, I just noticed something. When I get PMS, I have a dying urge to spring clean. Top to bottom and put the house in order. Suddenly I start noticing every dust bunny, ever neglected corner, every neglected shelf, every old thing that needs to be chucked out, every pile of unfolded laundry that was previously invisible. Everything glares at me. Mocks me. Clean me NOW. Tak senang duduk.

I came across an article. Other than the urge to shoot to kill every moving thing during PMS, women get the "nesting" instinct. Something to do with the eggs. And babies. Or the potential for them. A bit like the urge to prepare the "nest" or home a month before labor/childbirth...

Well, the urge is really strong and driving me nuts...but the body is unwilling.

Will you guys shut up and clean yourselves, fold yourselves, dust yourselves...whatever. Just leave me alone with my book and lappie and tea.

Ok... just wipe the TV screen so I can see Del Toro better if he comes on.

Oh...Hitler is giving a spirited, dramatic speech on the History Channel right now. Not a pretty sight. He looks/looked possessed. His moustache is doing some pretty hypnotising gymnastics. Never knew it could move like that.

Maybe I shouldn't have wiped the screen just yet.

Double ohhhh...just got an email from Michelle Obama...from the White House ( I like to write in and whack Obama about those poor villagers he is murdering in Aghanistan/Iraq/Pakistan/Gaza)...lemme see...hmmm...mass mail to all who write in to the House... about Father's Day...but at least she wrote it...herself...

Awww...Obama is playing happy Daddy to happy, safe, daughters in a video she included! Wonder if the daddies whose daughters USA and Israel blew up are as happy? Or the daughters whose daddies they blew up are running around in lush gardens with their doggies like Shasha and Malia...They, S &M are lucky that daddy Obama will blow away anyone (and those within a 200km radius) who even thinks of lobbing missiles over as they sleep... like those Qassam rockets (never mind the Qassams are like spit compared to the tungsten mofos and daisycutters they lob into the stolen land of Palestine and elsewhere..never mind that the equation is completely out of whack...at least his daughters can sleep in fortified bunkers...but those poor villagers and THEIR babies are just sitting ducks in them poor excuse for houses...)

Hmmmmm...now I know who to send the gory pictures of the torn bodies of babies and mothers courtesy of made-in-USA bombs and Predators to...a mommy like Michelle!!! Maybe SHE will hen-peck Obama into stopping the massacres once her mommy heartstrings are ripped apart like ours seeing all those innocents slaughtered in the name of some never-ending bogus war against bogus terrorists....

At least now I get a reply, mass mailed or not...during Bush's time...nada, zilch...or maybe he couldn't read the buffoon he was/is.

Wonder if he is back at the bottle now.

I hope he chokes on another pretzel.

PS: I just came back from a 2 am snack and realised that through this free association (kah kah) method of writing (macam psychotherapy lah) I inadvertently made the HITLER/OBAMA/USA/NAZI GERMANY/ISRAEL/MASS MURDERERS connection. And Michelle only came in the mail AFTER I wrote about Hitler. Haha... The SCARY thing is that, because Obama looks like the all-American family man, smooth and suave unlike the possessed/passionate/demonized/misai katun/tak hensem Hitler...most people don't see the cold blooded butcher in him.

Looks are everything eh?

I feel old.
My joints are hurting.
Can't bend my fingers without pain.
My wrists are sore.
My back hurts and pain is radiating permanently down my buttocks and my legs and toes.
Cramps on my upper back make me double over in the most public of places unannounced and I have to walk like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame. He looked more elegant, methinks.
Toes go numb sometimes too.

Nak mati dah kot.
I look forward to death actually. Whole new ballgame.
That's actually real.

Mothers

Zur’ah ibn Ibraaheem narrated that a man came to ‘Umar and said to him:

“I have an old mother who is unable to go answer the call of nature, so I carry her on my back. I also help her perform ablution while turning my face away from her (out of respect). Have I fulfilled my duty towards her?”

‘Umar said, “No.”

The man said, “Even though I carry her on my back and exert myself in her service”

‘Umar said: “She used to do the same for you when you were young, while hoping that you will live. As for you, you await when she will go away (die).”

Allah's Messenger said, he knew a verse which would suffice men if they would but apply it, "For him who fears Allah He will appoint a way out and He will give him provision from an unimagined source.'"

And the Most High said:
"Alif-Laam-Meem. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We have faith’, and will not be tested? And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make known, those who are true, and will certainly make known those who are liars." (al-‘Ankaboot 29:1-3)

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
"The most excellent worship is expectation of relief."
[Al Tirmidhi]

O Allah! I am your slave, daughter/son of your slave, daughter/son of your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over is just. I ask you by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourselves with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety.
supplication of the Prophet SAW...

Rantings frrom a Malaysian in Qatar...

I just had to share my Mrsm buddy Hafiz aka Epitmok's daily email rantings from Qatar...this one is so funny, because at the end, he puts in the Vaseline twist (the Vaseline/KY joke we were having amongst us, but that's another story...)

One day satu telaga minyak No. DK133 meletup & bocor. Keadaan kelam kabut untuk menyelamatkan situasi telaga minyak bocor mula dirancang & dubuat. Banyak ahli-ahli specialist melayu-melayu (indonesia & malaysia) drillers dibawa ke tempat kejadian oleh para manager2 arab dari pelbagai deprtment. Pasukan keselamatan Fire & Safety Dukhan di ketuai oleh orang melaka.

Mula-mula dibina kawasan kolam untuk menakung limpahan minyak. Sebuah lagi rig penggali telaga dipanggila masuk. Kabin-kabin tapak bina berA/C mula dihantar untuk manager2 besar arab berehat sambil meghisap hookah melihat kerja-kerja penyeleggaraan. Rupture telaga minyak No.DK133 pada mulanya nampak dapat dikawal dengan menjalanlankan operasi menebuk sebuah lagi telaga berhampiran. Telaga bocor mula pecah besar. Kini pasukan drillers American dipanggil masuk.

Katering-katering makanan membawa makanan-makanan bertarah hotel 5 bintang, tetapi apabila makan sajian makanan, semuanya jenis berminyak & berlemak. Kambing, daging, ayam, nasi beriani. Setelah makan, crew-crew mengantuk & panas dalam badan. Sudahlah ditambah lagi dengan panas luaran yang menyucuk kulit kepala. Sekejap-sekejap kena evacuation kerana paras gas toksid "H2S" tinggi menyerap keluar melalui rongga-rongga kebocoran.

Situasi dari buruk menjadi lebih buruk, akibat ketidakberpengelama n para manager-manager arab membuat keputusan yang tepat & bernas, yakni "flip-flop". "I'm Qatari, you must follow my decesion!". Esok pulak, "He is Qatari, so you must follow his decision!!!! ". Pasukan penyelamat telaga minyak yang diterbangkan khas dari Houston, Texas, bingung & want to pack and go back home. Apa guna kami duduk sini, semua suggestion professional kami di tolak atas sebab..bla-bla- bla- we are qatari oleh manager-manager arab. Dari 1 minggu jadi 2 bulan dah. Dan tempat kejadian itu seolah-olah macam tempat pesta besar di tengah sahara. Kini, pasukan american pun join sama melenggok berdansa dengan keputusan tarik tali ding dong ping pong fip-flop oleh para manager-manager arab yang tak pernah mengharungi crisis management (sebuah ciri pengurusan yang dilatih untuk setiap ahli pengurusan projek pembinaan malaysia untuk menyiapkan cabaran projek-projek pembinaan di malaysia walaupun bergaji murah.)..bayangkan rate pasukan penyelamat telaga minyak american dari Houston, Texas itu adalah USD10,000/sehari. .Depa balik US macam rajalah nanti. Rumusan para driller melayu (indonesia + malaysia), cis! kalau di indonesia telaga bocor macam ini 2 minggu siap Pak!...Pikiran ku mula nampak jawapan kekalahan pasukan tentera arab didalam "6 days war" Arab-Israel. .huh!

Dalam perbincangan- perbincangan mereka, 4-5 kali terdengar perkataan Vaseline, rupa-rupanya memang ada Vaseline pun! kat telaga minyak tu ada lapisan vaseline yang dikutip untuk kegunaan as petroleum jellytu yang kita pakai...aku mengangguk macam ada experience. Yea!! Vaseline..

pitmok

here's another one of his rants...

harga kopi kat tengah padang pasir = QR25/secawan. Sambil-sambil isap "cigar cuban" QR80/sebatang, bila habis sampai hujung..hey man, it kinda tasted like a hondurian..lepas tu bagi tip QR5/kat tea boy..macam tu lah apabila melepak dgn geng-geng drillers melayu yang sedang mencari minyak mentah di padang-padang pasir sahara yang kini teramat hangat. Unta-unta berwarna hitam kelihatan berkeliaran sedang memamah pokok-pokok renek. Dhab-dhab berkulit putih salji juga nampak sering berkeliaran lari kesana-kesini tidak berkeruan. Suhu 52c, humidity 0% = keadaan paling meruncing untuk kena heatstroke. Pijaran terik matahari sehingga menaikkan kekabus siang hari.

Lepas tu, aku sarungkan cermin mata sunglasses Maui Jim QR1000, barulah nampak jelas jalan off road padang pasir sahara. Sayup jauh kelihatan kereta mewah Land Cruiser milik qatari yang sedang bekerja di telaga minyak di tengah sahara. Dengan pantas buka A/C kereta kuat-kuat, nasib baiklah kereta ini ada 2 A/C, baru rasa hilang fening-fening- lalat. Ah! nak kencing pulak. Nasib baik bawak air botol mineral.

Kring-kring! ! bunyi mobile phone Q-tel aku, "Ah-lan! Hafiz hina.(sini).", "Ya habibi! (wahai kekasih..becareful dengan perkataan ini,,pak arab bukan nak kasih hang pun). Ah-lan-wa-sah- lan, anta fi maktab au sahara? (awak di pejabat atau di gurun?)"..Emm..Boss cari pulak! Dah 2 minggu projek pembinaan selenggaraan aku menghadapi masalah teknikal, yakni, macam-macam masalahlah.. A/C mafi syugul (A/C tak jalan), A/C karban (A/C rosak)..perkataan "karban" macam "korban"..

Bila balik rumah beglo jam 3.00ptg, buka e-mail hari ini, wah! macam pasar malamlah. Terus rasa macam hujan lebat kat luar rumah,,Eemm! kurang rasa sakit hati because hari-hari aku risau sendiri memikirkan why I had to getting old. Thanks you all ZZR, JK, TB, MM, KY, WR, YG dll.

hj. ir. pitmok al-qatari, MIEM, P.Eng.
Dukhan, Qatar

Epit, Epit...hahaha...hang ni lawak betui la...

Huey Lewis, you're still so cute...you're one American product I can't reject...

Plain MURDER

Would Rasullulah SAW condone the actions of these voyeurs who caused this woman's death? Is this the way to educate fellow Muslims about prohibition against illicit sex and close proximity? Dengan memalukan dan mengaibkan serta MEMBUNUH saudara Islam sendiri? What about the Islamic principles against violation of privacy? Adakah undang-undang Islam membenarkan sesiapa sahaja memecah masuk ke rumah kita/bilik kita untuk mendapatkan bukti/atas dakwaan zina oleh orang lain? Adakah ini yang dimaksudkan dengan empat saksi? Melalui pencerobohan?

“O ye who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until ye have asked
permission and saluted those in them: that is best for you, in order that ye may
heed (what is seemly).” (24: 27)


Woman falls to her death while fleeing raid

A YOUNG woman in her 20s died at Tunku Jaafar Hospital in Seremban 10 hours after she fell from the third floor window of a budget hotel during a khalwat raid in Teluk Kemang, Port Dickson.

The victim, who was at the time wearing a T-shirt and sarong, was trying to escape from the Negri Sembilan Religious Department officers when she hit her head on the drain.

An eight-man team from the department raided the room at the third floor of the hotel at 3am, after receiving a tip-off about a khalwat (close proximity) case, reported Harian Metro.

The officers knocked on the door for around ten minutes, before the victim opened the door, said the paper.

The startled woman ran back into the room and climbed out through the window, but lost her balance and fell.

The victim was sent to Port Dickson Hospital, before being transferred to the Tunku Jaafar Hospital in Seremban. She died at the hospital.

Her male partner, in his 30s, was also in the room when the religious department officers showed up. He was detained.

Exceprt from here:

Muslim scholars also derived some ethical principles from the Qur’an, hadith and
sunnah related to zina. First of all, it is preferable for a person who witnesses an act of
zina not to report it, and instead to cover the shortcoming (‘awrah) of others while at the
same time advising them to change their behavior. This principle is in harmony with the
hadith that states: “Whoever covers the shortcoming (‘awrah) of a Muslim, God will
cover his shortcomings here and in the thereafter.”

Scholars also concluded from the Prophet’s example that it is preferable for the imam or the judge to suggest to the person who confesses that he/she retract his/her confession, and to the witnesses not to testify. What we learn from this attitude is that the zina punishment should not beunderstood as a revengeful measure. To the contrary, it has to be understood as a measure designed to protect the morality of Muslim society whenever this morality is threatened. It is also very important to keep in mind, as we said earlier, that such a crime is not punishable unless it crosses the boundaries that separate the private sphere from the public sphere. The four witnesses’ requirement is clear evidence that such an act cannot possibly be proven unless the offending parties flagrantly disrespect the Islamic society they live in by transgressing those boundaries.

sakinah, mawaddah dan rahmah

Apa itu
kasih
Apa itu
sayang
Apa itu
rindu
dendam
mabuk kepayang
Apa itu
bisikan
bagai angin berlalu
mengusap telinga
mengundang gelak ketawa
bersama
Apa itu
jelingan rahsia
bicara tanpa suara
antara dua
Apa itu
seiring dan sejalan
saling bergenggam tangan
Apa itu
penawar hati
mata
jiwa
raga
tatkala
suka dan duka
penat dan lelah
bersama
Apa itu
janji
sumpah
dan setia
kepercayaan
tanpa wasangka
Apa itu
kehangatan
perlindungan
pelukan erat
sepasang lengan
dari badai dan taufan
luar dan dalam
panas
terik
salju
dan
hujan
Apa itu
antakesuma
selembut sutera
membelai
mengeluselus
saling
menyelubung
segala
dari mata liar
dunia
Apa itu?
Itu semuanya
tiada lagi membawa makna
tika di tenggorokan
sampainya
si Nyawa
yang begitu
asyik
mengejar cinta
manusia
yang suka memperdaya
dan diperdaya
mainan alam
yang
ternyata
tidak nyata

yang hanya membawa lara.

(meracau, merepek dan meraban pada 10 malam sebab mengantuk dan terpaksa kerja)

Baseline on clinical psychology in Islam

Fascinating read... from the wiki, but the titles of the various works are available for reading...wonder if there are translations?

I checked my blood sugar levels this afternoon. Normal. Yay!!!

So I had three helpings of the lasagna I made earlier. One bottle of that American drink that starts with P that I'm supposed to boycott so I can't mention the name because I'm ashamed I drank it with lots of ice - it felt so delicious on the tongue, and three huge slices of Linzer Torte from the Konditorei Leo Jindrak in Linz, Austria that he brought for the kids last week (yeah, I'm the mother of the kids, I deserve it more, okayyyy??)

What a relief. Burp. Lepas geram. Overkill.

That's why I still dreaming of the body I had in California in 1988 as per my previous post (voluptuous, never anorexic aka starved...but not as tembam as now...)

Whe I went to Austria, I saw konditoreis with sinfully sweet and diabetes-inducing cakes and pastries on every corner. And psychotherapist offices. Around every OTHER corner.

I asked Sigfried, his friend in Linz. "Siggy, why are there so many psychotherapists in Linz and Vienna?"

"Welllll, I don't know..maybe we Austrians are a little mad? Muahahaha..." he grinned madly.

Yeah. You gave us Hitler (wait...maybe Hitler was genius?). And Freud. Really hung up on sex, that man. Incest. Sex. Sex. Incest. Maybe Bush invaded Afghanistan and Iraq and hung another world leader of the free world like a dog because Laura didn't put out for him and he had fantasises about Barbara his mum and was mad at Bush SR? How would Freud explain such a madman? Or was Freud himself a pervert with incestuous inclinations which he then cleverly forced upon everyone to cover his OWN guilt for such naughty thoughts?

The real granddaddy of psychoanalysis was Avicenna. Ibn Sina. No perversion there.

Wasn't I talking about blood sugar?

Maybe this is the free association thingy...hmmmm...

California dreamin'...(updated)

Saya di 50, Jalan Riong...umur...3 or 4 kot?
Saya and sisters at Bukit Dumbar (camera trick dolu2...)


Saya on bridge across river, University campus...miss the autumn colors!

Saya outside Sacramento apartment on way to Raya celebration (malas masak, always go to others' house for ketupat et al)...back when I still had some shape...haha..macam MAS stewardess punya uniform...
Saya and roommate at Tahoe...

University, Sacramento...

Saya and the MR2, Cardiff-by-the-Sea, Highway 1 road trip...


San Francisco dinner cruise...(back when bushy eyebrows were in... and 'em shoulder pads...haha)

Graduation day, attended by my American "family" Debbie, her lovely kids and hubby, Craig (who took pic)...Debbie was "family", still is...and she was there for me when my dad died and I couldn't go home...she is the most laidback and cool person I ever met...

Saya on nikah day...kahwin koboi...hantaran Quran, mas kahwin 80 bucks and makan beehoon and karipap...on a budget time susah2...bersusah2 bersama la katakan...(khas untuk Zendra gambar nih...)

And why am I posting my old pics? In case the "anal"ysts are interested...just going down memory lane lah...but if you REALLY wanna psychoanalyse...maybe just recapturing who I was lah before one became two and indistinguishable from the original one. So in order to become one again, one must go back and "anal"yse who one was before lah.. Okay? Saved the "anal"ysts from cracking their brains...you know who you are lah... :D

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...GLOAT, GLOAT...

Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie fight over Aniston

Melbourne, (ANI): Brad Pitt bought Angelina Jolie sexy underwear for her 34th birthday. But her D-day was ruined after she had a furious argument with her Partner over Jennifer Aniston .

Buzz up!

The stunner’s Special day started with a surprise celebration at her rented mansion on Long Island, N.Y., which featured her kids, fresh flowers, and a homemade cake, reports The Daily Telegraph. But, after some time things took an ugly turn when the couple erupted in a fight over Brad’s ex-wife, Jennifer.

“Brad made an effort to be with Angie,” an insider tells In Touch Weekly magazine. The source added: “He was really hoping they would get along and enjoy themselves. Things were going fine, and then Angie started accusing Brad of meeting Jennifer in LA. It turned into a massive blow up, which left Brad more disillusioned than ever.”

Rahim Al Haj Iraqi Oud Virtuoso

I just love the Oud...

Dreams

Roses are red
and I am so blue
thoughts of you swirl
like a dust-devil
in my head
as I lie awake
unable to dream
counting the days, hours, minutes
and nanoseconds
until I finally get
to touch, to hold
to talk to
and to see
you
but for that
I have to close my eyes
and dream
alas!
even that
I cannot
do.

(from SAYA to the non-existent...)

By the way, I wonder about some (voyeurs? as in like to watch but don't blog themselves) who go around analysing others thoughts and writings and words...why can't they just let them be human? Must everything be analysed to death? I find it extremely patronising...maybe they should analyse themselves...could gain much insight there into how much too highly they think of themselves compared to the reality of his/her creation from the lowly spermatozoa. Same as everyone else. Gray matter is too highly overrated over the real brain beating in the chest cavity.

I took my kids to see Hannah Montana the Movie today. I thought it would be hell, but I loved it! Laughed. I even cried. My heart soared. The gamut of emotions. Miley Cyrus can act, but her daddy Billy Ray Cyrus is Mr Wooden...hahaha...of course, the part that got me crying was when her crush misunderstood her and said it was over. Darn. I felt like a bloody teenager... I loved this song she sang about her Dad and her:




Butterfly Fly Away
Songwriters: Ballard, Glen; Silvestri, Alan;
You tucked me in, turned out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back

You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be

And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
Flap your wings now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
We've been waiting for this day
All along and knowing just what to do
Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away

Nice movie...(I think I need to see adults more often...hahaha)
Oh..Maryam just passed me this note...

this is a song i wrote for u!


Your (sic) my beautiful lady
your the apple of my eye
your the only mother that I have
your the only thing that I have
And that is why I will always love and kiss u
Thank you
YOU ARE MY ANGEL

I miss u!
Coz your (sic) the greatest thing that ever happened to me
Your my angel
my love
and someday you'll be my hero (why someday Maryam? haha...)


Maryam and Sakinah, you are my angels too...
I love you both very much.
But your love scares me. To bits.


ok...gotta go upstairs and golek with them on the bed...heavenly pastime, talking and cuddling with them....

Fearful not fearless

Someone said I was fearless. Most people think I'm fearless. Maybe its the way I write and speak publicly. I could go up to Obama if I get to meet him and tell him point blank to stop murdering those innocent peoples of Iraq, Pakistan and elsewhere. Tell him to quit being an Israeli lap wardog and the Arab/Muslim leaders to get (or at least buy with the billions) a spine and a couple of balls.

But inside...privately...

I'm not. Fearless, I mean.

I'm afraid of the dark ( I sleep with the TV on, the light on most times...and end up dead tired the next day from all the noise and emissions...I mean, get real lah...do hantus care if its pitch dark or light when its 3 am and you're all alone...they're gonna come anyway, kan?)

I'm afraid of heights.

I'm afraid of venturing into large bodies of water coz they give me the sinking feeling that I could get sucked in and never get spat out ever again. Meaning drown.

I'm afraid of hantus revealing themselves to me (they can stay invisible I don't care)

I'm afraid of LRTs that drive themselves. (you people are fools trusting driverless vehicles!)

I'm afraid of getting stuck in lifts (coz they act weird when I'm in them...they just know its me and the doors sometimes refuse to shut, or they don't move, or get stuck between floors...then I feel like I'm going to die and pass out right there and then...and when they had their fun with me...they start moving again...I always know which ones are going to act up)

I fear going to huge malls, coz I can't stand too much visual/aural stimulation and I get vertigo and panic attacks thanks to childbirth (I wish all malls were like the Great Eastern Mall)

I'm claustrophobic...I get the fcuk out when people start piling themselves into the same lift or train or bus, and scream at them to CLEAR THE AREA! for my exit.

I'm afraid of lightning coz I think God is going to strike me down dead for my insurmountable sins (though I know He is Merciful, I'm not sure if I deserve that Mercy) and because my TV and modem blew up next to me once...and once was enough to make me almost pee in my pants

I'm afraid of getting in a car accident and ending up like Niki Catsouras (yet I drive like a maniac...google her and see what I mean)

I'm afraid of pencuris breaking into my house and harming my kids while I'm asleep given the increasing crime rates (so I keep my golf driver next to me to bash the heads out of anyone who dares to do so...wish I had a Glock, but I'm very trigger happy, and half the people around me might end up dead...so that's not quite a good idea)

I'm afraid people won't like me

I'm afraid I might say the wrong thing again and hurt someone or make them angry (which I know I always end up doing)

I'm afraid of trusting anyone ever again (yet I blindly do over and over, baring my heart and soul and guts to all and sundry only to have it all thrown back at me)

I'm afraid that I will let those around me and who need me down (but do it all the time despite trying hard not to)

I'm afraid that once someone falls in love with me
he will fall out of love again when he knows the real me

I'm afraid
of ending up alone
(yet I cherish my moments of solitude and quiet..)

I'm afraid of
every
stupid thing
real or
imagined

Heck, I even scare myself with scary thoughts.
That are not even real.

I'm afraid to be happy too.
Coz I think it won't last.

Or it won't be
true.

Or real.

Says a lot about one's iman doesn't it?

Need to re-examine my faith methinks...

Cherating...

(pics of actual view from room)

...is no longer what it used to be. It has become another tong sampah of the Orient. If I were in charge, I would have beach patrols who would make the beach BUMS as in "IDIOTS" eat the rubbish they throw on the once pristine beach, especially the diapers strewn about...those I would make the mums who chuck them on the beach eat them, after I wipe their faces in the faeces left by their soon-to-grow-up-to-be-just-like-em baby bums, followed by 1000 hours of sampah collecting community service. We need enforcement and some balls as in teloq to act to save our beaches in the local councils. Sadly, the kind of teloq needed in government to educate and instill fear into our people to forcibly chnage their degil, slum, sewer mentality towards our environment and cleanliness is lacking as much as the grey material in the latter.

We found a spot, not far from where I used to camp with Aween and gang in 1986 though, that was relatively rubbish free and managed to have a good dip before we went on to Kemaman and Teluk Cempedak.


Kemaman...

Nasi dagang breakfast by the road to Kemaman in the morning drizzle

Kemaman fishermens' jetty

Famous kopitiam in Kemaman town

...there's no where else like Terengganu. Simple, rustic beauty, great food and...dirt poor people. Funny considering its like Dallas. Maybe the JR Ewings of Terengganu have bolot all the oil wealth...leaving nothing for their people who really need them. I wondered, as I passed through this town/state that I love so much, what the sovereign of the state feels and thinks when he passes through. Maybe he is thinking about the next endurance race. I don't really know...but I'm thinking his horses eat more than the villagers of Kuala Kemaman in their dilapidated, patched up like a crazy quilt, once lovely kampung houses by the jetty. And I'm thinking so much can be done with that billion ringgit oil royalty...but I'm just a housewife. What do I know. I'm not thinking masjid Kristal...I'm thinking more quality of life. I'm not much of a businessperson too I guess. Only businesspeople run governments nowdays..or rather people who aim to become businesspeople.

One day, God Willing, I will live out my dream of getting a piece of kampung beach-front real estate in Ganu Kite...and build my Ganu House.Ganu House...a gem...

Toilets...

I have never been to so many public toilets of all shapes and conditions in three days on the road...its the age factor...and the fact that children were sucked, vaccumed and forceped out of me. And my belly slashed open too. And there were only two of them.

Any more and I would have to wear adult diapers.

This is the ONE time, I wish I had one of those mindless dicks that piss me off so much (puns intended) I could just whip out and...and...and...pee with...instead of going through the intricacies women have to go through in their toileting.

No mean feat in 'em public toilets full of other people's shit.

(pics courtesy of Aween)

Obama continues the slaughter in the name of Osama...

From NBC’s Scott Foster
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA -- White House officials are claiming the bin Laden message aired today on Al Jazeera is proof al Qaeda feels threatened by the President's outreach to the Muslim world.

A senior administration official noted yesterday's release of a Zawahiri tape, along with today's new tape, explaining, "You wouldn't see two videos this close together if they thought this was going well."

(really? I would think Bin laden is warning the Saudi traitors and other puppet-Arab nations not to be too chummy with this smooth talking murderer Obama...a smooth talking war criminal reaching out to the Muslim nations while widening the slaughter in Pakistan/Iraq/Afghanistan...a smooth talker like Obama is more dangerous than a bumbling fool like Bush...with Bush at least we know what he is...didn't we?)

Americans using white Phosphorus in Afghanistan here...the same weapons highlighted in my petition to the ICJ to try Israel for war crimes here...bapak (Israel) borek, anak (US) rintik....

To my friends who haven't signed the petition yet...please do as my friend Chester Riese who put it up for me online will be sending it off this month, graciously offering to bear all costs. Thanks Chet!

Are You Scared? - Twelve words meaning "fear" in the Qur'an

Are You Scared? - Twelve words meaning "fear" in the Qur'an

From Muslim Matters (lifted from Zendra's blog)

Bismillah

[Written by Amatullah]

A few days ago, we had our weekly tafseer of Juz Amma class with br Nouman at the masjid and he briefly covered some different words used for fear in the Qur’an. I was very fascinated by these words so I decided to do a bit more research on their meanings and usage in the Qur’an and share what I’ve learned as the weekly Saturday tafseer post on MM.

The Oxford dictionary defines fear as:

• noun 1 an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. 2 the likelihood of something unwelcome happening.

• verb 1 be afraid of. 2 (fear for) be anxious about. 3 archaic regard (God) with reverence and awe

We have a few words to describe this emotion in English such as: scared, anxiety, terror, panic, and bewilderment. All of these words carry the same meaning and are nearly synonymous to one another.

Arabic, on the other hand, has a considerable amount of words to describe fear; each with a different detail and connotation. The Qur’an alone has more than 10 words for fear!

Here is a brief analysis of some of the words used in the Qur’an for fear:

Khawf خوف

Khawf is a perceived danger and a fear of something that is physical. Khawf is the type of fear you’d feel if a dog began to chase you.

Allah ta’ala says:

وَأَمَّا مَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِ وَنَهَى النَّفْسَ عَنِ الْهَوَىٰ

“But as for him who feared (khawf) standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lusts.” (79:40)

The Believer has a fear of something that is manifest and real, which is captured in this ayah by the use of khawf. Allah azza wa jal did not say in this ayah that the person fears their Lord, but fears the standing before his Lord, and as a result of this fear, he protected himself from lusts and desires.

On the other hand, Allah says about the disbelievers:

لَّا يَخَافُونَ الْآخِرَةَ

“They do not fear (khawf) the hereafter.” (74:53)

In another ayah, Allah describes His blessings upon the Quraysh:

الَّذِي أَطْعَمَهُم مِّن جُوعٍ وَآمَنَهُم مِّنْ خَوْفٍ

“(He) Who has fed them against hunger, and has made them safe from fear (khawf).” (106:4)

While most of tribes of Arabia worried about being invaded or of a war, Allah ta’ala protected the Quraysh from this danger and granted them safety in Makkah.

Khashyah خشية

Khashyah is a fear as a result of knowledge and leads to action. It is when you know the greatness and magnitude of what you fear, and as a result, have an awe and reverence of it.

Allah ta’ala tells the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam:

إِنَّمَا تُنذِرُ مَنِ اتَّبَعَ الذِّكْرَ وَخَشِيَ الرَّحْمَـٰنَ بِالْغَيْبِ

You can only warn him who follows the Reminder, and fears (khashyah) the Most Merciful unseen.(36:11)

Allah ta’ala describes the one who will benefit from the Qur’an: he has khashyah of Ar-Rahmaan. By using the Name of Allah, Ar-Rahmaan, it shows the level of their khashyah. We fear Al Jabbaar (The Compellor) and Al Azeez (The All Mighty), but to fear Ar-Rahmaan, The Most Merciful, is the height of true fear of Allah. These people have khashyah of Allah bil ghayb, in the unseen can be interpreted two ways: they fear Allah and have an awe of Him when they are alone and they fear Allah and have an awe of Him even though they do not see Him azza wa jal.

In the famous ayah that most of us know, Allah ta’ala says:

إِنَّمَا يَخْشَى اللَّهَ مِنْ عِبَادِهِ الْعُلَمَاءُ

“It is only those who have knowledge among His slaves that fear Allah.” (35:28)

Imam ibn Katheer rahimahullah states with regards to this ayah, “only those who have knowledge truly fear Him as He should be feared, because the more they know about the Almighty, All-Powerful, All-Knowing Who has the most perfect Attributes and is described with the most beautiful Names, the more they will fear Him.”

Khushoo’ خشوع

Khushoo’ is a fear that is manifested not only in your heart but it is shown on your face and limbs. Khushoo’ literally means to bend down and to become still. Khushoo’ is used for the submissiveness of the heart which is reflected on the limbs.

Allah ta’ala states,

قَدْ أَفْلَحَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ

“Successful indeed are the believers,” (23:1)

And the first quality of these successful believers:

الَّذِينَ هُمْ فِي صَلَاتِهِمْ خَاشِعُونَ

“Those who offer their Salat (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness.” (23:2)

This is the kind of fear that we should have in salah; this fear should be present on our faces and not just in our hearts. If the heart has khushoo’, the body will have khushoo’. So khushoo’ is not just a state of the heart, it is a state of the heart which is visible on a person’s actions, in their posture, and in their movements.

In this dunya, the believers have this khushoo’, but in the aakhirah Allah states about the Disbelievers:

أَبْصَارُهَا خَاشِعَةٌ

“Their eyes will be downcast.” (79:9)

These eyes that did not humble themselves to Allah in the dunya, will have fear in the aakhirah. This fear will be apparent on their faces; faces that are full of shame, humiliation and abasement.

Taqwa تقوى

Taqwa is the most common word used for fear. It comes from the root wiqaayah which means to protect and is used for a shield.Taqwa is to protect yourself from the consequences of your own actions. It is to protect yourself in two ways: to abandon sinning and adorn yourself with good deeds because you fear the punishment of Allah.

Allah ta’ala says in the ayaat of Hajj,

وَتَزَوَّدُوا فَإِنَّ خَيْرَ الزَّادِ التَّقْوَىٰ

“And take a provision (with you) for the journey, but the best provision is At-Taqwa” (2:197)

This ayah is beautiful because Allah ta’ala commands us to take provisions during Hajj, that is true reliance upon Allah, but He also advises us to take the provision of the hereafter which is taqwa.

During Hajj, you are tested with many things and you must also keep away from certain actions that are otherwise halaal for you to do. The only way one can restrain themselves and be patient during Hajj is to have taqwa of Allah.

Hadthr حذر

Hadthr is to escape something out of fear and cautiousness because you are in proximity of it. Allah azza wa jal uses this type of fear to describe the hypocrites in many ayaat. He says:

يَحْذَرُ الْمُنَافِقُونَ أَن تُنَزَّلَ عَلَيْهِمْ سُورَةٌ تُنَبِّئُهُم بِمَا فِي قُلُوبِهِمْ

“The hypocrites fear (hadthr) lest a Surah should be revealed about them, showing them what is in their hearts.” (9:64)

Raa’a راع

Rau’ is to startle someone, or to show up out of nowhere and so the person becomes alarmed. It is also defined as to respect combined with fear. This word only appears once in the Qur’an to describe the panic that Ibrahim alayhi salaam felt panic when the Angels refused the food that he offered them:

فَلَمَّا ذَهَبَ عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ الرَّوْعُ وَجَاءَتْهُ الْبُشْرَىٰ يُجَادِلُنَا فِي قَوْمِ لُوطٍ

Then when the fear (rau’) had gone away from Ibrahim, and the glad tidings had reached him, he began to plead with Us (Our messengers) for the people of Lut.” (11:74)

Wajas وجس

Wajas is a fear when you hear news that scared you. It also means to hide your fear within you so that you don’t let the person or thing scaring you know that you are scared.

Ibrahim was scared of the angels but he did not let them see his fear:

فَلَمَّا رَأَىٰ أَيْدِيَهُمْ لَا تَصِلُ إِلَيْهِ نَكِرَهُمْ وَأَوْجَسَ مِنْهُمْ خِيفَةً

“But when he saw their hands went not towards it (the meal), he mistrusted them, and conceived a fear (wajas) of them.” (11:70)

Musa alayhi salaam also felt this hidden fear after he saw what the magicians could do with their staffs:

فَأَوْجَسَ فِي نَفْسِهِ خِيفَةً مُّوسَىٰ

So Musa conceived fear (wajas) in himself. (20:67)

Wajl وجل

Wajl is to have a fear that penetrates deep in your heart. It is a fear in which a person trembles and shivers. The word “mawjil”, from the same root, is a depressed ground for a large deep hole. When you come upon a huge hole in the ground out of nowhere, you are immediately shaken with fear.

This is how Allah ta’ala describes the hearts of the believers; they are immediately awe-struck and the fear of Him penetrates deep into their hearts:

إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ الَّذِينَ إِذَا ذُكِرَ اللَّهُ وَجِلَتْ قُلُوبُهُمْ

“The believers are only those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a fear (wajl) in their hearts.” (8:2)

Rahb رهب

Rahb is that kind of a fear that makes you very alert, very careful and does not let you relax. This is the type of fear that students feel during exam time: restless, careful, and concern for passing. It is also fear that you are afraid that you will disappoint the one you love.

Allah azza wa jal commands us to have this fear of Him:

إِنَّمَا هُوَ إِلَـٰهٌ وَاحِدٌ ۖ فَإِيَّايَ فَارْهَبُونِ

Verily, He is (the) only One Deity. Then, fear Me much. (16:51)

The believers call upon Allah while fearing (rahbah) Him, and hoping (raghbah) in Him. Who knows which duaa these two words are mentioned from the sunnah? Post in the comments inshaAllah if you know!

Rahb is also defined as a fear that one has in which he is concerned about saving himself. Allah ta’ala described the hypocrites as being more concerned about saving themselves from the Muslims instead of saving themselves from Allah:

لَأَنتُمْ أَشَدُّ رَهْبَةً فِي صُدُورِهِم مِّنَ اللَّهِ ۚ ذَ‌ٰلِكَ بِأَنَّهُمْ قَوْمٌ لَّا يَفْقَهُونَ

“Verily, you are more fearful (rahbah) in their breasts than Allah. That is because they are a people who comprehend not.” (59:13)

Ru’b رعب

Ru’b is to be overwhelmed with fear and terror that makes you lose your reason.

Allah ta’ala placed this fear in the hearts of the mushriks of Makkah during the battle of Badr:

إِذْ يُوحِي رَبُّكَ إِلَى الْمَلَائِكَةِ أَنِّي مَعَكُمْ فَثَبِّتُوا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا ۚ سَأُلْقِي فِي قُلُوبِ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا الرُّعْبَ

“(Remember) when your Lord revealed to the angels, “Verily, I am with you, so keep firm those who have believed. I will cast terror (ru’b) into the hearts of those who have disbelieved.” (8:12)

Ru’b is also used to describe the reaction of a person if they entered upon the Companions of the Cave:

لَوِ اطَّلَعْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ لَوَلَّيْتَ مِنْهُمْ فِرَارًا وَلَمُلِئْتَ مِنْهُمْ رُعْبًا

Had you looked at them, you would certainly have turned back from them in flight, and would certainly have been filled with awe (ru’b) of them. (18:18)

Allah made the cave so that no person would be able to remain there, such as a passerby, because the atmosphere was made that the person would feel fright so they would not be able to stay, but rather run in terror.

Shafaq شفق

Shafaq has many meanings in its different forms. Ashfaqa is that fear that some harm will come to a person you love, it is a fear that is mixed with love, such as the love of a mother for her children; she is fearful out of love for them.

The Believers will reminisce in Jannah:

قَالُوا إِنَّا كُنَّا قَبْلُ فِي أَهْلِنَا مُشْفِقِينَ

“Saying: “Aforetime, we were afraid (shafaq) in the midst of our families.” (52:26)

This ayah can be interpreted in two ways: Firstly, the believers, even amongst their families, feared Allah and secondly, they had this shafaq for their families, they were afraid for the aakhirah of their families.

While the believers were mushfiqeen in the dunya, the disbelievers will be mushfiqeen in the aakhirah.

تَرَى الظَّالِمِينَ مُشْفِقِينَ مِمَّا كَسَبُوا وَهُوَ وَاقِعٌ بِهِمْ

“You will see thewrong-doers fearful (shafaq) of that which they have earned, and it (the punishment) will surely befall them.” (42:22)

When this word is followed by من, min, such as this ayah, it does not mean love at all but rather a fear in the heart such as apprehension, anxiety, concern and worry.Try and imagine the fear and worry they will feel knowing that Hell-Fire awaits them. Either you are mushfiq now, or will be mushfiq later.

Wajf وجف

Wajf is a fear mixed with discomfort. It is when your heart pounds and palpitates so hard out of fear. Iti s to be agitated in a disturbed condition. Awjaftul Khayl means ‘I made my horse race forward by making its heart race.’

Allah azza wa jal depicts for us the Day of Judgment:

قُلُوبٌ يَوْمَئِذٍ وَاجِفَةٌ

“hearts that day will be full of terror.” (79:8)

By not putting an “al” (alif-laam, ال) on quloob, it shows that only some hearts will have this fear on that Day. Some hearts that day will be beating out of their chests. Also the sentence structure illustrates that these hearts are not scared at the moment, right now they have peace, but on that Day they will experience wajf. Furthermore in the above ayah, waajifah is an ism faa’il (someone who does an act), so their hearts will be start pounding and it will not come to rest. The terror will not subside.

….Another lesson as to why translations will never do justice to the Qur’an, and is a small taste of the intricacies of the Arabic language.

Quiz for the readers: search for some ayaat that COMBINE a few of these words, and see if you can understand the different meanings

here’s an example:

وَمَن يُطِعِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَيَخْشَ اللَّهَ وَيَتَّقْهِ فَأُولَـٰئِكَ هُمُ الْفَائِزُونَ

And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, fears Allah, and keeps his duty (to Him), such are the successful.(24:52) This ayah combines Khashyah and Taqwa. (hint: you can use a search engine like: www.searchtruth.com)

We ask Allah ta’ala to benefit us from what we learn, to make us among those who take heed of the reminder, those who study His Book and act upon its lessons, and those who enter Firdaws Al ‘Alaa. Ameen.

And Allah is Most Knowing.