Painful (to read too) rantings

I can't wait for the physiotherapist to open shop tomorrow. Can't stand the pain shooting everywhere. Dull, sharp, cramping, throbbing, numbing....the works. Now my toes are tingling. In a burning way. Nerve compression? Pulled muscle again? Misery.

But pain is good. Pain heightens mortality. Feeling of mortality. That you are just a helpless lump of flesh and bone with no control whatsoever. That's when you call on God. When you're in pain. Otherwise, one is just an ungrateful, happy-go-lucky, devil-may-care human being who is under the illusion of hidup selamanya. Pain is that slap in the face. "Hey, fool...you bleed, you hurt, you ache, you bruise...and yes, you're gonna die someday. Sooner rather than later." That's why people become such bumbling, blubbering fools who suddenly find God when they find out they're gonna die and no miracle is going to make them live forever, so they better find some meaning to their life and end...or just end it right there and then by slitting their wrists. If there isn't life after death, Judgement Day, Heaven and Hell..ie: no meaning/no purpose... baik mati sekarang. Doesn't mean Diddly Squat.

If God did not send us His Guidance...no manual. No imprint. Nothing. We would be the DIY mess that clueless (and might I add bodoh sombong) husbands create. Or make us clean up.

Saw some great books today while buying my kids theirs...must get Philip Khuri Hitti's History of the Arabs...and Carole Hillenbrand's Crusades: From the Muslims' Perspective. The Malay translations at Mehraj, which are of high quality cost almost RM170 bucks each...dunno how much the English version will be...

I'm re-catching my long lost History bug...World War Two was my obssession in school...now I'm going nuts looking at other stuff I missed...wonder if Payless book store might have any copies. Don't know when I'm gonna read the others piling up over the years into a precarious mini KLCC which I barely started. No classics. Or books one 'should' read to be considered well-read. Just what I want to/like to read. I no longer have the patience or urge to read fiction. I used to when younger. Ludlum, Sanders, Michener...etc. But now its like, why bother. Why would I want to read what someone conjured? I didn't even get on the Harry Potter hysteria wagon. Why would I make my kids read thousands of pages of fiction/fantasy about sihir/ some witches/wizards...whatever the story was about. Waste of time.

Anyways...

The first time I saw the English Translation of Ibn Kathir's 10 volume tafsir which cost almost 500RM when it first came out, I wanted it soooo bad. One fine day, the book publisher I was editing for called me and said there was a big package for me. I wondered who on earth would send me stuff to the publisher's...I opend the package and there it was...the whole set of Ibn Kathir...the best gift he gave me (and that '89 230CE which replaced my tiny Kancil, now both long gone...).

I've barely read Volume 1 in all those years...12 years to be exact.

I'm gonna finish it this year. By the middle of next year maximum.

Do or die. Or should I say... before die.

Btw, I just noticed something. When I get PMS, I have a dying urge to spring clean. Top to bottom and put the house in order. Suddenly I start noticing every dust bunny, ever neglected corner, every neglected shelf, every old thing that needs to be chucked out, every pile of unfolded laundry that was previously invisible. Everything glares at me. Mocks me. Clean me NOW. Tak senang duduk.

I came across an article. Other than the urge to shoot to kill every moving thing during PMS, women get the "nesting" instinct. Something to do with the eggs. And babies. Or the potential for them. A bit like the urge to prepare the "nest" or home a month before labor/childbirth...

Well, the urge is really strong and driving me nuts...but the body is unwilling.

Will you guys shut up and clean yourselves, fold yourselves, dust yourselves...whatever. Just leave me alone with my book and lappie and tea.

Ok... just wipe the TV screen so I can see Del Toro better if he comes on.

Oh...Hitler is giving a spirited, dramatic speech on the History Channel right now. Not a pretty sight. He looks/looked possessed. His moustache is doing some pretty hypnotising gymnastics. Never knew it could move like that.

Maybe I shouldn't have wiped the screen just yet.

Double ohhhh...just got an email from Michelle Obama...from the White House ( I like to write in and whack Obama about those poor villagers he is murdering in Aghanistan/Iraq/Pakistan/Gaza)...lemme see...hmmm...mass mail to all who write in to the House... about Father's Day...but at least she wrote it...herself...

Awww...Obama is playing happy Daddy to happy, safe, daughters in a video she included! Wonder if the daddies whose daughters USA and Israel blew up are as happy? Or the daughters whose daddies they blew up are running around in lush gardens with their doggies like Shasha and Malia...They, S &M are lucky that daddy Obama will blow away anyone (and those within a 200km radius) who even thinks of lobbing missiles over as they sleep... like those Qassam rockets (never mind the Qassams are like spit compared to the tungsten mofos and daisycutters they lob into the stolen land of Palestine and elsewhere..never mind that the equation is completely out of whack...at least his daughters can sleep in fortified bunkers...but those poor villagers and THEIR babies are just sitting ducks in them poor excuse for houses...)

Hmmmmm...now I know who to send the gory pictures of the torn bodies of babies and mothers courtesy of made-in-USA bombs and Predators to...a mommy like Michelle!!! Maybe SHE will hen-peck Obama into stopping the massacres once her mommy heartstrings are ripped apart like ours seeing all those innocents slaughtered in the name of some never-ending bogus war against bogus terrorists....

At least now I get a reply, mass mailed or not...during Bush's time...nada, zilch...or maybe he couldn't read the buffoon he was/is.

Wonder if he is back at the bottle now.

I hope he chokes on another pretzel.

PS: I just came back from a 2 am snack and realised that through this free association (kah kah) method of writing (macam psychotherapy lah) I inadvertently made the HITLER/OBAMA/USA/NAZI GERMANY/ISRAEL/MASS MURDERERS connection. And Michelle only came in the mail AFTER I wrote about Hitler. Haha... The SCARY thing is that, because Obama looks like the all-American family man, smooth and suave unlike the possessed/passionate/demonized/misai katun/tak hensem Hitler...most people don't see the cold blooded butcher in him.

Looks are everything eh?