Late for a reason

Late. I'm always late for everything. Kids' school, appointments, everything.

Today I left early for my doctor's appointment at Pantai. I took the Duke so I wouldn't be late. I was 5 minutes away from the hospital when I made a wrong turn leading to Penchala (wherever the heck that is) despite the fact that I used the same route about seven times before.

I looked at the clock on the dashboard and the traffic jam I turned into and called the nurse. "I'm going to be late". "Doctor can't wait, he will leave by 2.45", she answered. Since it was 15 minutes to that and probably an hour to find my way out of that godforsaken place called Penchala, I said, "ok...tell him I took a wrong turn and won't make it in time".

I felt disappointed. I needed to see him. I suddenly felt "abandoned". Exaggerated as that feeling was, because it wasn't his fault anyway, I still felt "abandoned". So I drove around with tears in my eyes (well, it was hell week ie PMS week, so everything was doubly painful) for an hour trying to find my back home, when I ended up, OF ALL PLACES, outside the Bukit Kiara burial grounds. Eba. My father was buried there. I was speeding, and couldn't make the turn in time. I'm an autopilot kinda driver, so I exited somewhere and just drove by instinct and found my way back to the burial grounds. The first time I had come alone.

I suddenly missed Eba so much, I and couldn't wait to see his grave. There were rows and rows of new graves and his was lost in the huge maze. After 30 minutes of going round in circles, I went to the office to ask for the records. I lost his lot number I saved in my phone.

462. His was number 462. Found it.

The moment saw his name on the tombstone, I started crying. I missed him very much. I never got to see him when he passed because I was in the US when he died after his bypass. Hadn't seen him for 2 years. He called on the day he died from the nurses' station, a little lost from his major operation, and I managed to tell him I loved him very much and asked for his forgiveness. I didn't know he was going to die. He did later that night. We decided only my brother would come home from Scotland as he was the eldest.

And so, I had to deal with it alone. I was alone during the holidays then. My roommate had gone back for the winter hols. It was the 31st of December 1989. That was the day he died. It was such a beautiful blue sky day, that it felt so unreal. I was the apple of his eye, who hurt him a lot. But he stood by me anyway. And he was gone. I dropped all my winter classes. My professor and some good American friends offered to be there for me, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone about it.

He was the only one who believed in me. As I sat there by his grave, the tears fell hot and heavy and fast, and I prayed for him. Prayed for Allah to forgive him and my mother who is frail and half of herself after his death. I prayed for Allah to grant him Jannah and to forgive his failings and what he did not manage to accomplish. He was a good man. He tried his best. He was always kind to the poor and the orphans. He took good care of us, this illiterate man who came from Pakistan as a boy with his uncles...who struggled to earn a living, and ended up a successful trader. He and Ami gave us the love of books and learning.From illiteracy, he ended up having to wrest from us the latest Reader's Digest or Newsweek, having taught himself to read with the help of his uncles.

Eba, I'm sorry I got irritated as a younger child when you asked me to write your letters for you.

Eba, I miss our Sunday drives.

Eba, I miss hearing you get up so early in the morning and make your cup of tea.

Eba, I miss hearing your car drive up and reverse into out garage downhill at precisely 6.30pm.

Eba, I miss sitting on the swing with you in the evenings.

Eba, I miss you and I love you.

You are the only man who stood by me and really loved me. You took good care of us and Ami.

Ami, I so sorry I haven't seen you for the past month since you last stayed with me for Eid.

Ya Allah, please let me be able to see her this weekend.

Don't leave me with regrets.

I must go tomorrow.I can't wait for the weekend.

It could be too late.

But today...today I was late for reason.

I was late so I could be with my father again.

Dear friends

Aween, Zendra, Mamasita, Tommy, Capten Shariff, MM, Maryam Katherine, Kerpie, Marko, etc...you know who you are...I'm moving to a new blog...and opening it to invited readers only...so please leave your email addresses in my comment box, so I can mail you the new link.

Seronok sket ader freedom nak write as I please... :)

Thanks!

Journalism, the world's oldest profession...

Kepada editor2 news(toilet)paper Melayu dan lain2 kecuali Sun (yang melaporkan perkara sebenar)...tak malukah anda SPIN/PUTAR BELIT peristiwa jambatan runtuh yang mengorbankan nyawa anak2 tak berdosa dengan memilih untuk menyerlahkan fakta yang tidak ada kena mengena dengan sebab sebenar jambatan runtuh?

Saya terlalu jijik membaca bahagian yang terserlah mengenai bagaimana budak2 melompat di atas jambatan tersebut sejurus sebelum runtuh. EDITOR2 MABUK NAK JADIK BARUA PIHAK YANG SEBENARNYA BERTANGGUNGJAWAB MEMASTIKAN KESELAMATAN ANAK2 TAPI GAGAL???

PROSTITUTE JOURNALISM 101
KAMPAR: "Beberapa murid melompat dan menggoyang-goyangkan jambatan dan dalam sekelip mata saya terhumban dalam sungai bersama beberapa murid lain yang menjerit ketakutan," kata seorang murid yang terselamat dalam kejadian jambatan gantung runtuh di Kuala Dipang, dekat sini malam kelmarin. Berita Harian

Bukankah kem ini merupakan BRAINCHILD PM kita si Najib? Kem 1Malaysia??? Bukankan jambatan itu baru berusia 2 minggu?? Tak pakai logik dan perkiraan betul ker si kontraktor jahanam yang sepatutnya ANTICIPATE perlakuan kanak2 dan memastikan jambatan itu mengikut piawaian yang tertinggi??? Lompat sekali dah runtuh??? Wow...remind me to crawl over the next bridge very carefully.

Adakah selamat in the first place untuk meletakkan kem KANAK2 sebegini di sebelah sungai yang begitu besar dan merbahaya?

MEMANG JIJIK EDITOR2 YG TAK SEGAN2 MENGGUNAKAN MANGSA SEBAGAI PENYEBAB BENCANA ... PROSTITUTE JOURNALISM...

BEGITU TIPIKAL REAKSI...SALAHKAN MANGSA, SALAHKAN PENGGUNA, SALAHKAN WHISTLEBLOWER...

Jangan salahkan ketamakan, kerakusan dan kejelekan pemimpin/jentera kerajaan yang begitu tebal diselaputi najis rasuah dan sikap APATHY.

Oh tidak...pemimpin dan pemegang amanah tak berdosa...yg berdosa adalah budak2 yg belum baligh..nasiblah korang...korang ni anak2 rakyat biasa jer...10k cukuplah untuk ganti nyawa dan mengeringkan airmata. KAN???

Asalkan anak2 pemimpin semua selamat di sekolah2 elite di luar negara.

Betul tak wahai Perdana Menteri?

NB: Prostitute Journalism - the art of reporting/spinning/distorting news for the sake of a few ringgit

Israeli Exceptionalism

A major cause of Middle East turmoil

by Justin Raimondo, October 05, 2009

In the Washington Times, some astonishing news:

"President Obama has reaffirmed a 4-decade-old secret understanding that has allowed Israel to keep a nuclear arsenal without opening it to international inspections, three officials familiar with the understanding said. The officials, who spoke on the condition that they not be named because they were discussing private conversations, said Mr. Obama pledged to maintain the agreement when he first hosted Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at the White House in May."

This news story is an enigma wrapped up in what may be a misunderstanding, or even pure myth. To begin with, this alleged 40-year "secret understanding" is not very well understood. As Avner Cohen puts it in Ha’aretz:

"What exactly was agreed on by Nixon and Meir is in itself ambiguous. Although both leaders dictated the minutes of what had been said and agreed on, each had his or her own version of what had been said. American documents recently declassified indicate that about a month after that conversation, even Henry Kissinger, at the time Nixon’s national security adviser, was not fully aware of the exact details of what the two agreed on."

There’s no verification of this agreement in the Nixon Library, nor is there anything in the Israeli archives. We’re just supposed to accept it on faith that the U.S. government agreed to shield the Israelis from nuclear scrutiny unto eternity, without asking for anything in return. So unlike Nixon.

Full article here

Weddings and Funerals

Saya ada a few "wedding reception" to attend this month. Formal, tak leh bawak anak like a few others I'm attending. Takut spoil fantasy marriage mungkin. Sebab masa kawin tu semua masih di alam fantasi. Alam fantasi kentut busuk yang mekar mewangi seperti Chanel no.5. Suami tak hensem pun nampak hensem. Sebab mungkin kaya, berada dan melepak.

Saya tak tau hadiah apa nak beli. Sebab mereka tak suka hadiah murahan.Dan saya pokai.

Saya jugak tak tau baju apa nak pakai. The only baju labuci I have is my black jubah. Yang ade labuci biru kat tangan dengan hem bawah. Nanti saya pakai, macam nak pi kebumi orang (which is also true...marriage is like whacking the final nail on your coffin). Mereka semua hanya pakai baju2 labuci dibawa khas dari India. Kerlipan yang mengalahkan bintang Bollywood. Muka pun macam Bollywood starlet lepas keluar dari salon. Rambut pun lebih panjang dan ikal dari original. And they have the bored looks on their faces. Expressionless. Maybe their make-up will crack. Or THEYwill, if they decide to act human or normal like the rest of us poor slobs of housewives. Hair extensions? Saya tak tau. Saya pun perlukan extensions. Rambut saya tak seperti dahulu. Childbirth makes you mad as well as bald. Hormones. Blame it on the hormones. Which is a fact, actually. Tapi saya tak mau rambut orang mati on my head. Biarlah saya au naturel. Sebab when you wake up in the morning, no one looks like a Bollywood starlet. They will look like a Bollywood starlet with a serious hangover and dried drool. And no one can lie down forever, so their breasts look better. They have to get up sooner or later and make breakfast and scream at the kids to get the hell up already. And at the husband to fix the bloody lightbulb or the sink already. That's reality. Not the garden wedding fantasy crap.

Saya tak suka weddings. They make me sad and cynical (because I know reality will hit them smack on after the party ends and all the lovey dovey romantic gestures fizzle out).

Bagi saya, marriages remind me especially of funerals.

Maybe coz I'm mourning dead loves, lost promises, lost youth and lost beauty.

I guess...

I'm just an insanely jealous woman who can't bear to look at the happy couple.

But then again. We're all gonna die anyway.

Will it all matter in the end?

Quakingly Important Issue

Tremors crack 5 high-rise buildings in Klang Valley

2009/10/01

IPOH: Cracks appeared on five high-rise buildings in the Klang Valley due to tremors yesterday, said Housing and Local Government Minister Datuk Seri Kong Cho Ha.

He said, however, engineers found that the cracks were not serious.

Inspections were carried out on the buildings as the occupants had complained to the Fire and Rescue Department of the tremors following an earthquake in Indonesia, he added.

There were no injuries and damage to properties, he told reporters after opening the Perak Science, Technology and Space Exhibition at the Indera Mulia Stadium here today.

An earthquake of magnitude 7.9 on the Richter scale rocked the city of Padang on the west coast of Sumatra at 6.16pm yesterday, causing tremors to be felt across Peninsular Malaysia, especially in high-rise buildings.

An aftershock measuring 6.8 on the Richter scale was recorded in south Sumatra at 9.53am today, causing tremors in Selangor, Negeri Sembilan, Melaka and Johor.

Since the last big quake in Aceh, some experts say that the shift in plates have moved us closer to the epicenter. We are only 350km away from the Sumatran fault line and massive damage has been reported in cities 400km away from epicentres. The earthquake last week was 7.9 on the scale and caused cracks (which buildings by the way? don't the public have a right to know?). The next big one is predicted to even more catastrophic that the almost 9 magnitude one that killed almost 300 000 people around the world. Imagine that one happening on the closest fault line to us. KL and Putrajaya are built on soft soil, which earthquake causes to liquefy into jelly, leading to buildings sinking and collapsing in a sec. Or millisecond. We do not have any laws requiring compliance to earthquake-proof structures. Read this report here.

Our houses are made up of masonry. Bricks stacked tightly. Sideways jolts would bring them down in a flash. I'm not sure what the steel bars within do. For reinforcement?

Here's a page out of Making Your House Quake Proof:
I saw a documentary on quake proofing existing buildings. They used the same kind of system for highrises. I don't know if a simple solution like this would work for our increasingly complex looking structures. I'm no architect...hahaha.

I'm just a concerned citizen who hopes the government will act before the fact. Before our good fortunes come to an end.

And all good things must come to an end. Especially when we are heedless.

And happily oblivious.