Am I a sucker?

I'm wondering...where is the line between feeling compassion for another human being and closing one eye, and just not bothering getting involved.

I can be a self-absorbed, moody, vile person sometimes (some may say most times), but I befriend and trust people easily and can't turn away from anyone in need whom I might have some capacity to help even if in a small way.

Someone said I take people at face value. (You are not the first...haha). Many a time it has gotten me in trouble, but my hindsight is as bad as my shortsightedness.

The worst slap in the face for my lack of judgment was when my marriage was destroyed by my misplaced compassion for someone I considered a good friend who later eloped with the father of my kids. (I remember her words clearly..."padan muka, sapa suruh sibuk"...when at the time she was begging me to talk to my cousin who dumped her..now we know why, eh?)

Sometimes I have even given my last ringgit or borrowed to help someone else in need. I don't do it for them to reciprocate, but it does "terdetik" in my heart that when I was in the same humiliating position (never know when the tables are turned...does happen), that they turned me away or slammed the door in my face.

Sometimes I guess things are clearcut and you have no choice but to help. Like that time I was driving through Keramat at morning rush hour, and saw a man splayed out by the pavement, in his KFC uniform. The cars on the other side were at a standstill but no one bothered to check. I had the instinct that he wasn't drunk, from the way he was lying. I stopped to check and sure enough, the young man was unconscious. He had dried foam around his lips. I waited until he woke up and asked him what happened. He looked confused, and didn't reply but walked unsteadily towards a nearby house, went in and went straight to his room.

I asked some young men who were his roommates what was wrong with him and where his family was, and they told me that he was a Sabahan, and he worked at the Setiawangsa KFC outlet. He had epileptic fits they said, and wasn't uncommon for him to pass out.

I left wondering, he was walking home from his evening shift at about 12am...and so had he been lying there the whole night?? And no one bothered to check what happened?

Maybe I am naive and he was on drugs? My instinct told me otherwise. But should I have left him there anyway?

And now these two homeless couple I thought were serious in needing a job and shelter, because they indicated as much when I asked why they were sleeping on the street.

Misnah left the home of the kind lady who took her in. Ah Huat wasn't as sweet as he pretended (?) to be. He came night and day, harrasing the lady and yelling at the top of his voice how ungrateful she was etc, etc.

Did he really care for Misnah or was he just a bloody pimp???

When pressed by the lady, Misnah kept quiet when asked if she was prostituting herself. And she wasn't as "clueless" as she seemed to be. I still think she is a bit off...though.

She is back at the same place this morning.

Back to bathing in full view of everyone, cleaning the sidewalks of the Cosway outlet she gets water for her washing from (maybe quite a few people are getting a cut here, when I thought they were being humane??).

Should I just leave her to prostitute herself for a few ringgit in full view of everyone?

Maybe I will try the Jemaah Islah wanita community service centre.

They seem to be doing a good job taking in and helping unwed, pregnant, runaway teens from all backgounds get back on track. They actually house, feed, clothe, reeducate and care for these teens who have been shunned by families and society until they give birth, so that babies won't end up in some dumpsite or longkang or shallow grave or be cut to pieces by the abortionist's scalpel. Many teens have gone back to rebuild their lives and continue their education, and these babies are placed with good foster parents or cared for properly by those who decide to keep their babies.

Are they encouraging teens to have premarital sex and get away with it? I think they are trying their best here, dealing with all the different angles of this problem. They also conduct sex education programmes (even in my daughter's Islamic school) which include awareness about puberty, the accompanying teenage angst and encouragement towards self-respect and abstinence.