Baby Killers and Heartbreakers

UTM student found dead after giving birth

JOHOR BARU: A Universiti Teknologi Malaysia student was found dead in her campus dormitory after she had given birth to a baby boy. The baby, whose umbilical cord was still attached to his mother, was also dead.

The 26-year-old fourth-year student, who was unmarried, was found in her dormitory by a warden around 5pm on Monday.

Johor Baru (North) OCPD Asst Comm Ruslan Hassan said initial investigations revealed that the student, who was from Kelantan, had been dead for more than two days.

“We believe she died after giving birth.

“However, we are not ruling out the possibility of a criminal element in her death,” he said.

He said the victim’s partner could be a fellow student.

“The bodies have been sent to the Sultanah Aminah Hospital for post-mortem,” he said.

ACP Ruslan urged anyone with information to contact the police hotline at 07-2212 999 or the nearest police station.

I teared up reading this while having my tairu vadai, tosei, putu mayam and teh tarik at the totally mandram-infused Thurkah restaurant at Melawati this morning. Hindu idols everywhere... staring down at me, above me, below me and piercing my back...the incense also nearly suffocated me...but I had to have the putu mayam. My regular putu mayam guy went back to India and never came back. Probably driving an SL55 now..maybe the Hindustani Ambassador version.

Anyways, the image conjured up by that piece of news, really got to me. The mum dead, with the baby still attached by its umblical cord, dead too. For two days. What a heartbreaking vision. What pain both went through. Funny how living in a dorm, one can have that much privacy. I never did. No one heard a thing?

Unmarried. Pregnant. Afraid. Not a young girl either. She was 26 for heaven's sake. Where is the father? Where was he in all this? How could a mature woman get herself in such trouble? For sure though, that man will be moving on with his life as if nothing happened. They always do. Its the woman/girl who gets the bad rap. Who has to deal with the consequences of her naivety.

Just yesterday, we had the woman who drowned her baby in a pail of water, after giving birth so bloodily in the toilet of the Wisma Bolasepak Pahang.

Why do we keep seeing this scenario played out over and over again?

I once went to Raudatus Sakinah, a place run by Jemaah Islah. A Muslim group, which took it upon themselves to intervene or at least avoid such scenarios. They take in unmarried pregnant teens and young women who have no where else to go. Instead of ostracizing them, they give them a place to stay, feed them, give them medical care and counselling. Plus religious knowledge. The girls then have an option to keep the babies, or give them up to carefully screened couples and then continue with their studies and lives and dreams, and hopefully become better women and persons after have learnt their lessons and received guidance. Instead of dumping the helpless little beings down toilets or throwing them like a piece garbage onto dumps, into bins.

The visit brought back memories of a friend, who at 18, got pregnant. She thought she was in love, never having experienced such feelings, with a 30 year old man, who knew better. But he lied and sweet-talked his way into her panties through her heart. Women are stupid that way. They only need to hear that they are beautiful, smart and sexy and that someone needs them and can't live without them. Didn't help that the man was a dashing Kevin Costner in An Officer and a Gentleman, plus he had his own ship.

And so, there she was, suddenly slapped into reality the moment she found out she was pregnant. And dumped like a hot potato.

"I don't think that baby is mine," he said, "and (what a shocker for her) I'm married. I can't have anything to do with this or you." Before he left for another port far away.

"But you were the only one I ever knew," she said. As if he cared. First lesson of love she learnt was the worst.

She couldn't tell her mother. Or her father. Or her siblings. She lay there for days in her room, trying to figure out what to do. She wanted to keep it. She was after all going overseas and she could have the baby there. No one would know.

She went to a doctor. To get advice on how to cope with the pregnancy. The kindly doctor, an elderly lady, talked to her. Told her the truth. Of how life would be at 18, with a baby and lost opportunities. How would she care for him/her while studying? In a foreign country all by herself?

She wanted so much to talk to her parents, but couldn't. She couldn't break their hearts. So she broke hers and went for an abortion at a specialist recommended by the lady doctor. She didn't have any money, and I didn't have enough to help her, but the gynaecologist was kind enough to waive the payment.

She cried all throughout the procedure. She felt so dirty and evil and could feel all the other legitimate mums there, at the clinic, looking at this young girl and judging her, knowing what she just did.

She shakily went home in a cab with some money given by the nurse. And cried some more till she fell asleep in her room. Her mother and father blissfully unawares of her pain and predicament.

It was after all her own fault, wasn't it?

She got pregnant all by herself.

Didn't she?

Life went on for her.

What about the others? Who went through the whole term of pregnancy, only to kill their alive, screaming, beautiful, innocent babies after birthing them all alone?

Oh. I just read another story. A form four student.

Her water broke during class yesterday.

No one knew she was pregnant.